Wednesday, December 29, 2010

That whole "sand through the hour glass" thing...

I had just one more reminder that I'm getting old today.  It actually didn't hit me until lunch was over.  I ate at the food court of the mall today with two friends I hadn't seen in years but were in town to visit for Christmas.  There was a lot of " I remember when..." stuff usually followed by something stupid we had done I wish they would forget.  One of them is a high-falutin' military officer working in the Pentagon and the other is now a high school math teacher in Austin.

Just walking into the mall and especially the food court is enough to make me feel old when I looked around at the kids busy eating some junk with one hand and texting the person across the table with the other.  I won't even talk about what they were wearing for fear of sounding as old as I now feel.  I honestly wouldn't have believed any of the three of us would ever have survived this long in as relatively good shape as we are.  That's not to say that time has been good to any of us. 

As I walked back to through the parking lot to my vehicle still chuckling about some of the things we talked about I realized something.  Nobody would consider any of us sissies and yet the one thing that would always bring the conversation down was when one of us would say something about our ex-wives.  All three of us had been through a lot over the years;  we talked about being places we shouldn't have or doing things that should have killed us and the only thing any of us seemed to really regret was getting married.  Hmm...

Monday, December 27, 2010

Nobody wants to see that anyway.

Interesting article here about taking pictures during the birth of a child.  The most interesting thing about it is the person interviewed who said they wanted to film their 8th child just like all the rest.  Look, Laurie Shifler, #1, nobody wants to see that happening down there.  My cousin video'd hers and I nearly threw up.  #2, At that point all babies look exactly alike.  Nasty little shriveled up and wet, red and wrinkled.  Just use the same pics for #8 as you did for #7.  Who's gonna know?  #3, It's your private parts, not a clown car.  Quit having kids!  You're not going to discipline them properly and taxpayers can't afford to feed them.

I know her!

Her name is Dorky Carter.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Twisted Christmas!

Phillipians 1:18 says, "But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice. Yes, and I will continue to rejoice."

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Merry Christmas you &*^&%$! jerk!

Evidently saying "Merry Christmas" is starting to cause problems.  We are all aware of the grinch companies who forbid their employees from saying the term for fear of insulting people.  What I am seeing now is people walking around with a chip on their shoulders just waiting and daring someone to say "Happy Holidays" to them.

"No!  No way!  It's MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!", they say with a self-righteous scowl.

Is that really in the spirit of celebrating the birth of Jesus?  Sure, we would prefer people to worship who we do and how we do it and do it for the right reason but sending good wishes with your mouth followed by daggers from your eyes is not making a very good case.  So relax out there and don't get your Christmas panties in a wad if somebody doesn't say the right greeting.  We are still celebrating Christmas no matter what they call it.

Silly Chinese

Doesn't he know not to wear black socks with a Speedo?

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

And you're out of your mind.

Whoever Jess Hart is, she has some words of advice for men everywhere.  I don't know who she is and have never seen her before and doubt that I ever will but if, as in her scenario, I were to see her in a bar I actually would walk up to her and ask her politely to bring me another drink.  And honey, the money I tip you with should go toward fixing that truck-sized gap in your big mouth.

Monday, December 20, 2010

I need a tissue.

You know what harms my emotional well-being?  Listening to some jack-wagon complain about how Christmas trees upset Buddhists!

She's more out of touch than we thought.

Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano (Big Sis) has slipped off the slippery slope of reality and has headed fat-face first to La-La Land.  She's been playing around the edge with her mandates to TSA employees making them all perverts with "enhanced pat-downs" and now she evidently feels that part of her job protecting the nation from terrorists involves battling global warming.

The pat-downs have been talked about ad nauseum and you all know how I feel about the hoax that is global warming.  Evidently securing the borders was too big of a job for a woman and she needed something to do to justify her job so now she goes after whatever she can make up - literally.  I just hope she doesn't shoot down Santa Claus.

Friday, December 10, 2010

My version of what happened

I've seen it happen a hundred times.  I'm sure it was the old man's fault.  Crotchety old goat.  You may have seen this on the news about the man in Michigan who was hit by the Burger King employee and died.  Read it here if you want but I'll fill in the blanks as to what actually happened.

--67 year old man walks in the front door of the BK:  "Can I help you, sir?"

"It's too &^%$ cold out there!"

"Yes, sir.  It is Michigan in the winter.  What can I get for you?"

"It didn't used to be this cold when I was younger", he says as he ties up the line in front of several customers.  "I remember the winter of  '08.  I was a teenager and was working on my Daddy's farm..."

"Do you need something to eat, sir?"


"Will this be for here or to go?"

"What did you say?"

Louder:  "For here or to go, sir?"

His jaws finally close enough for him to utter, "Uhh..." and then stand there looking at the board over the employees head like it was written in pig latin.

"Do you have hamburgers?"


"What kind of burgers do you have?"

"Sir?  Well...I mean...seriously?  They are all on the menu.  Do you need help with them?"

"Help?  I don't need your help, punk!  I was fighting in Viet Nam before you were a twinkle in your Daddy's eye, cheesebrain.  "Help"!  I didn't need your help when I was getting my elbows shot off in the DMZ in 69, did I?  Why you little..."

Employee ducks and says, "Have it your way, old man!"

Saturday, November 20, 2010

There's not much better than a good dog!

I just read about a fellow blogger's long-time canine companion who died (here) and it made me want to share some pictures of my dogs.  I've always said I can't help all the mistreated dogs in the world but I can take care of mine.  They probably say the same kind of things to all their dog buddies about me.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

"Thank you" is never enough.

Pearl Harbor survivor Houston James of Dallas embraces Marine Staff Sgt. Mark Graunke Jr. during a Veterans Day commemoration in Dallas.

Saturday, November 06, 2010

Garage sale goodies

I stopped at a garage sale this morning and the first thing the owner of the house asked me was, "What are you looking for?"

I said, "Whatcha got?"

"What are you looking for?"

Kinda weird, I guess, but oh well..."What about tools?"

"Are you affiliated with any law enforcement at all?"

What kind of question is that and how stupid would a cop have to be to answer yes?  "No."

"Then come back here."

He led me to the garage which was sitting well back of the house and sure enough he had some tools and all kinds of electronics and some stuff it looks like he stole from a bar somewhere.

I made a great deal on a ladder and some tools for $20 but I wanted the other ladder for $10 but he wouldn't do it.  We talked for awhile and when I loaded up my stuff he asked me to do him a favor and drive across the highway (he didn't have a car) and get him some cigarettes.  I told him I would do it and pay for the cigs and bring him back $10 and take the other ladder.  He thought about it and said to bring back 2 cans of dog food from there as well.


When I got back he threw in some more tools and a brand new hammock as well. So, I got all of this - 2 nice ladders, a nice cordless drill with accessories, all kinds of tools including a nice new hammer (on the second rung of the ladder), and a hammock - all for $30, a pack of smokes and some dog food. Not a bad day.

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

You tell me.

As you know I am the proud owner of my own business, Sonlight Window Cleaning.  It is alot of work cleaning windows but it is also alot of work starting a business.  As many of you know ( I say "many" like there is more than 3 people who read this blog) starting a business from scratch is slow but gratifying and requires good marketing and networking.  My friends and family have been great in their support and I am extremely grateful.

Sometimes when I don't have a scheduled job I get out and beat the streets for more business.  I leave fliers on houses or I go from business to business talking to owners or managers.  I don't care much about what kind of business somebody owns, most of the time the glass needs to be cleaned.  I even visited the local Taco Bell that I have been boycotting for several years after the manager and I had a dispute.  The new manager there was very friendly and helpful. 

Here's the part I don't understand and it is twofold.  When I enter a business I understand that the owners, managers and employees are busy running their own business so I am polite and brief.  No high-pressure sales pitch or lengthy discussions on the benefits of clean windows.  Just who I am and what I do and if they are interested I give them a quoted price.  Not interested?  I leave quietly and quickly.  No problem, I understand.  My question to my 3 blog readers is this:  what have I done that justifies rudeness or disdain and why is that rudeness coming from nearly all foreigners? 

I'm not the least bit prejudiced. In fact, I'm glad to see the "melting pot" that is America work this way. We are the greatest nation on the planet and I don't blame you for coming here and starting a business just like I'm doing. I don't treat you any differently than I do folks that are born here. Is it a cultural thing? I understand I might catch somebody on a bad day but it seems to be fairly consistent that if the owner or manager is not from around here I'm going to be treated with a curt word and a surly attitude. It's also not just one nationality. North, south, east, west. Some folks just have a chip on their shoulder. What's up with that? I don't understand. You tell me.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Happy Howloween

Poor Bo looked gay in his Halloween collar.  Sara wouldn't wear hers because it had bells on it and she looked like I had kicked her when I made her wear it.  Little Dori wanted to go trick-or-treating. 

Sunday, October 03, 2010

Joke of the Day

I went to visit my uncle at his farm the other day and noticed one of his pigs only had 2 legs. 

"Uncle Bill, why does that pig only have two legs?"

"Well," he said, "a few months ago I was on the tractor mowing the side of the hill and the mower turned over on me and trapped me.  I was stuck there for over an hour but that pig went home and alerted the family and led them back to me which saved my life."

"Ok", I said, "but what's that got to do with him having 2 legs?"

"Why it wasn't but about two weeks ago that your aunt fell asleep while smoking and lit the bed on fire and the whole house would have caught on fire but that pig started squealing so loud that it woke us up and saved us all."

"So did the pig lose his legs in those accidents?", I asked.

"No, no!  It's just that with a pig that good I hate to eat him all at once."


That's a true story and here's the pictures to prove it.

h/t  Telegraph

Whatever she wants

Sara told me she wishes she had silk or satin sheets to lay on so I gotta go find some.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I do windows!

The holidays are approaching fast and company is coming!


What to do…paint your home? Update the kitchen or bathroom? Clean your windows? "There is nothing more cost effective to improve the appearance and showcase your home, than to have your windows professionally cleaned." – M. B. Lynch, REMAX realtor.


Interior / Exterior, Construction Clean-up, Storm Windows, Skylights, Mirrors, Screens, Sills

Typical cleaning includes inside and outside of windows. Includes screen removal and cleaning of both sides and cleaning the frame and sills.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Best tat ever!

I was in Randy Adams' tattoo shop this morning with my neice and we came up with what I am sure will be my next tattoo. What do you think?


It's Chinese for "handsome warrior".
It means "Blog? I thought you said Dog!"
Or maybe it was the Chinese government's highest award given for honor and valor.
Or it's my Chinese girlfriend's pet name for me: "Studmuffin".

I'm going to get it at the top of my back and it actually says (get this!): Kick Me. Seriously, how funny is that?! Think about it. It's the ultimate joke. I can give people the "honor and valor" line if I want or whatever name I feel like being called by my supposed Chinese girlfriend but when a real Chinese person sees it they will think, "Oh, stupid Gringo (or whatever slang they use). Haha, very funny!"

So they think I'm stupid when I really did it on purpose! Epic! Just epic!

What else should I say that it says?

Sunday, September 19, 2010

I love a good quote.

I'm gonna try to use this one today myself...

I don't think it's nice, you laughin'. You see, my mule don't like people laughing. He gets the crazy idea you're laughin' at him. Now if you apologize, like I know you're going to, I might convince him that you really didn't mean it. Joe (Fistful of Dollars, 1964)

h/t Clint Eastwood

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

What would Pa think of me?

I have his wedding ring, one of his hats and a pair of his overalls, not to mention his hairdo. I'm his size and I've been told I have some of his mannerisms. I wish I could have known him better. He was in the Army as a chaplain. He was a soul-winner with the best of 'em. Mom says he could meet you as you got in an elevator and lead you to Jesus by the first floor. He had more "preacher boys" surrender to preach under his influence than anybody I've ever heard of. He prayed for me before I was born. You may never have heard of Harvey W. Graham but his influence is still affecting the world for good.


This just proves what I have always said: women are stupid and they have cooties. Ok, maybe it doesn't prove they have cooties...

Saturday, September 11, 2010


This has been a rough week for a lot of people. The week of 9/11 can be tortuous to anyone who was affected by that day and who wasn't affected in some way? Others have lost jobs or family members. Watching the news is a TV whuppin' with fires, wrecks, people dying and the usual political idiots. It seems everybody one meets should be at the top of your prayer list. We all need some good news today.

My dear friend Scott said something the other day that is helping me through what is my worst year in recent memory. He did not explain why bad things happen to good people. He did not promise it would get better. He did not even guarantee me that I was through the worst of it. Of course, I can't do justice to his eloquence, thoroghness or passion but he illustrated by saying that he visited a castle in Europe some time ago and was struck by the beauty and complexity of the tapestries that were hanging on the wall. Vast murals of fabric depicting great historical scenes took his breath away with attention to detail and intentionality of each thread.

He said up close he could see a thread running incredible distances through the other colors to make a part of what at a greater distance looked to be a beautiful painting. If one were to turn that tapestry over, though, and look at the back side it is a completely different story. Loose ends of threads hang down shaggily. The colors don't make sense, running together and stopping without making a picture at all. From the back all one sees is a bunch of mixed up colors and threads that don't seem to have a reason.

This life we live is very similar. From this side of it nothing seems to make sense. There is no pattern and it certainly is not beautiful nor even intentional. It doesn't make sense. It's not fair, fun or fine no matter how close we look. The problem is we can only see it from this side of Heaven. We can't see the intentionality that God is weaving into it with each thread of difficulty or sacrifice we have to endure. Some of the threads are good and are fun to see stitched into our personalities but often times the most beautiful parts of a tapestry are the most difficult and don't make sense when viewed from this side.

The knowledge of this won't bring back those loved ones we have lost or make up for the tragedies we all endure. It doesn't even explain everything. Nothing ever will. So enjoy the good threads that run through all of our lives. Spend time this weekend with the ones you love. Remember the fun times and in the process you will make more. But just knowing that God intentionally weaves each and every thread of our lives to make a beautiful picture is very good news.

h/t Scott Parrish This is a must-listen!

Friday, September 10, 2010

Religion of peace

This picture was taken in Talooqan, Afghanistan yesterday after these men left their prayers. They are protesting the threat of burning korans in America tomorrow.

Sunday, September 05, 2010

Dear Lord...

I know I haven't talked to you much, however this past year you have taken away my favorite actor, Patrick Swayze,
my favorite actress, Farah Fawcett,
my favorite musician, Michael Jackson,
and my favorite salesman, Billy Mayes.

I just wanted to let you know that my favorite president is Barack Obama.


Friday, September 03, 2010

Matthew Henry 1662-1714

Peace is such a precious jewel that I would give anything for it but truth.

A dog can whip a skunk but is it worth it? Pop

h/t DR

Thursday, September 02, 2010

There should be doves in these pictures.

Look close and see the scaredest jackrabbit in the county.

This is how I feel sometimes: the only one of these in a herd of those.

Wednesday, September 01, 2010


Ok, to make up for having to read that last post, here's something more fun. This picture was taken December 7, 1941. The mother of all these kids thought the world was going to end because of Pearl Harbor and so demanded that all the kids pose in the yard for this picture. My friend, Dorothy Cybil, (They called her Cyb. I call her Dorky.) is on the front row with her arms folded looking to her right and smirking. She just turned 80 this last week. I've known her and her family for about 30 years now and I have always told her that because she's so tough I'm gonna have a pair of boots made out of her hide when she dies. She thinks that is the funniest thing ever. I went to see her on her birthday and as she walked me out to the car as I was leaving I told her that if she doesn't quit shrinking all I'm gonna get is a pair of slippers! I love you, Dorky!


That's the best way to describe me right now. Ugh. It's 3:30 Wednesday morning and I'm obviously wide awake. Sorry, no more midnight Ambien posts anymore, by the way. I dropped that stuff about a month or so ago and usuually sleep great but tonight for some reason I can't. I went to bed early and fell right to sleep but woke up about 1:30 with my mind racing.

Well, between my mind racing and Dori wanting up on the bed, I couldn't sleep. Lots of things to think about. I'm going dove hunting in a few hours and looking forward to that. I just took the Civil Service Exam and did well. I'll find out about my score mid-month. I may have a stalker. I found one flea on one dog yesterday for the first time all year. I think I may know a great secret to how church should be done. My computer runs ALOT faster without a certain filter on it and I'm working on plans to build a storage shed out back.

Now with all that stuff to think about, what's on my mind as I wake up? Ex-wife, divorce. What a waste. Ugh. Long pause...OK, I'm not going to give you everything. In fact I may delete this post later and consider writing it as therapy. Heaven knows I need that. Don't we all? Anyway, my mind keeps coming back to how much has been wasted. The divorce was final about 2 months ago and she has been gone from the house about 5 months. I keep finding stuff that has to do with her and throwing it out or giving it to her or her mom. Pictures, keepsakes, documents...stuff. As far as I know, there is nothing with her picture or name anywhere in the house except for some Christmas stuff I need to get from the attic. I deleted every picture of her or her family from the computer and online. I chunked or sold everything else because I don't want to be reminded of her but that process is excruciating.

Looking at wedding pictures, for example, is a whoopin'! What a great day that was! All my friends and family were there and everybody was having such a good time. My first grade teacher even came! Now looking at those pictures all I see is a waste of time, money, effort, emotions and resources. I threw away pictures of the family vacations we took to Schlitterbaun. All those love notes, birthday cards and anniversary cards I had been saving: trash. Notes from my parents saying how much they loved both of us and were so proud of us. Notes from her parents saying I was the best thing to happen to their daughter. All of it is a waste of paper now. All because of choices she made. Because raising kids is hard. Because staying married is difficult. Because doing the right thing means continuing to do the right thing.

So, what's the lesson learned here? What have I learned through all of this? It's the same lesson that our kids have unfortunately learned from it as well, I'm sure. They are grown now and are working on becoming responsible citizens on their own and I'm sure that we have all learned the same lesson: never get married and if you do then absolutely don't ever have kids. That's what we have learned. How sad. What a waste. Ugh.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Path thith on and make a differnth.

I didn't know what was going to happen first: I thought either the floor would cave in or the dog would bite him. Poor dog and I don't even know who Justin Beiber is but poor Justin Beiber.

5 years

Alot of things can happen in five years. I know Rome wasn't built in a day but I'm pretty sure after five years they had a pretty good start on it. The Empire State Building took about a year to build. The Golden Gate Bridge took about four years. The whining about New Orleans has lasted five years with no end in sight.

I saw in the Star Telegram this morning that the residents of New Orleans and the Ninth Ward in particular are complaining that not enough has been done to help them rebuild. First, and I know this is crazy talk, how about let's all live in places that are above sea level. You know, just in case something bad should happen like another big storm or something. Secondly, how much help do you people want? The word "help" implies that we are going to do this together. Having been to the area three times since Katrina and having busted my hump tearing out walls, roofing houses, using a chainsaw to remove limbs and trees and cleaning up in every way I'm wondering what the problem really is.

Don't get me wrong. I was glad to help and would go back in a flash if and when I'm needed but in my experience it is time for New Orleans to put on its big girl panties and get to work. Pity parties get old pretty quick and I'm tired of bringing the cake. Many times I was sweating on top of a roof using a hammer and nails while the able-bodied homeowner was below me on the porch working a 40-ounce. I tore out walls of a house while the owner watched tv in his government-provided FEMA trailer parked on his lawn. I traveled at my own expense to get there and work on houses that were owned by people I did not know and would never see again while all the men of the neighborhood sat in lawn chairs and watched. Pardon me if I'm not as much the "Helpy Helperton" I used to be.

C'mon Nawlens! It's time to cowboy up. Nashville had horrible flooding recently as well and it barely made the news because the citizens immediately went to work helping each other. Emphasis on "helping" in that sentence. They worked together instead of complaining that the government and everybody else owed them something. I know times are hard but it has been five years and yes, more should have been done by now. Much more, New Orleans.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Guys, hunting season is fast approaching!

I found this on a female friend's blog and wanted to share it. She says:

My sweet husband invited me to go hunting with him this year.
I Couldn't believe it...the first time ever!
I never thought he'd be willing to share his 'guy time' with me
And being the thoughtful man that he is, he even gave me an opening day present.
He calls it 'The First Timers Lucky Hat'. I'm so fortunate to be married to him.

I have attached a picture of me in my lucky hat.

h/t Random Thoughts

This just in...

My former pastor just put this on Facebook and I thought it was so appropriate to my last post.

"Sunday's Coming" Movie Trailer from North Point Media on Vimeo.

h/t Pastor Jim

Some brief thoughts on today

Church was good this morning but I think we are making this more difficult than it has to be. Since I left my old church (more on that to come) I have visited around to several local churches and I believe that instead of having a traditional service and a contemporary service that maybe I need just one good worship service. Is this what the first church did in Acts? One service for the young people who have no musical talent and one for the old folks who have no energy left? There's too many rules in church today. I'm not talking about moral issues, I'm talking about the rule that says church has to be an orderly show where everybody is comfortably entertained. Church has to be over by noon EVERY WEEK so we can go eat. Church has to be led by professional leaders. Church has to be in a church building. Church success equals the number of members. These "rules" need to be rethought if Christians are going to remain relevant around here. Two thousand years of "church" and now we need to get back to basics and quit making this thing so difficult.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Hello my new trusted friend!

I just got this email response from a post I put up here over a year ago and wanted to share it:


I'm new to this , but I guess I shall be spending quite a bit of time here as there seems to be so much going on! I'm hoping to make some new friends
Peace out, Dennis from [url=http://www.*******]Payday Loans[/url] website!"

So, let's see...Dennis from Payday Loans Website wants to be my new friend because there is so much going on. Interesting.

Dear Dennis my friend, It's so good to meet you and since we are now friends and since you assume I am as brain-dead, no brain cell-having, drooling on the short bus stupid as you are I'd like to welcome you to this exciting, fun-filled blog where you can be loyal reader #2. I also can't wait to go on your website even though I'm sure you hadn't planned on that and maybe I can spend some money there or at least catch a nasty virus. And I'll tell all my homo blog friends about how great you are, Dennis, and maybe we could all meet at the Texaco bathroom in stall 3 at midnight and swap url's and recipes. Thanks for making the effort to find me, Dennis and peace on you too.


Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Caption this.

Actually, Colonel, since I'm omniscient I already know your secret recipe.