Thursday, August 28, 2008

I'm on a gun kick.

I finally joined the NRA, by the way, if you're wondering.

"W"--who Nancy secretly wishes was running again!


McCain says he is picking his Vice-President running mate tomorrow. I doubt that she would accept it and I have not heard anyone talk about it but I think he ought to pick Condi Rice. She is going to need a job in January. She's smart, conservative, speaks well, and oh, yeah, she's a woman and she's black. That would be a shot to the heart of the Dems.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

2nd Amendment

This lady nails the 2nd Amendment perfectly! And that 80's hair is HOT!

thanks dt

The headline

I am not an uncaring, uncharitable, unmoved, unpitying, unstirred, untouched person or any other synonym for someone who has no compassion for hurting people or families. That is why I cringed when I read the story under the this headline. How many times is this going to have to happen before it is not worth the risk for illegal aliens to illegally come over our border and illegally get a job? Anybody who comes into our country without properly registering is committing a crime just like someone who runs a red light or commits murder. Half way through the article it quotes a local youth pastor as saying the people were handled like criminals. Uh, ya think?

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

What I do for fun...

I have always seemed to get bored pretty easy but lately it is taking more to entertain me. For instance, just the other day I stopped by the local gas station and pumped a tank full of gas. I went in and paid for the gas, got back in the car and then drove up about 20 feet. My idea worked better than expected and I and many others were highly entertained.. As I drove up with the gas nozzle still in my gas tank filler, the nozzle broke off the pump. It was so funny when the gas started to gush out of the top of the pump like a waterfall and rain down on the car on the other side. The highly entertained owner of the car cried out, "Is it going to blow up"? Haha, what a funny lady! I told her, "Yeah, probably" and she drove off toward the fire station.

Well with my work done and since the Hazmat team had arrived, I hated to leave . They're funny guys and do a great job so I know they'll get a kick out of it!

Monday, August 25, 2008

Dude, No kidding?

Exposure to burning incense over long periods of time raises the risk of developing cancers of the upper respiratory tract, a new study shows. Or could it be the inhalation of the illegal substance being covered up by the incense? Just throwing that idea out there.

Studies have also found that burning incense leads to the munchies.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Joshua 24:15

Sometimes I don't write because I have nothing of real value on my mind to share. Sometimes I don't write because I have too much on my mind to share. Sometimes everything that is on my mind makes for a very heavy weight and I just need to share it with somebody. Everybody gets that way sometime. I've noticed a change in how I write lately. I put that stupid picture up on the previous post, well...I don't know why. It's stupid. Nevermind that picture. I just thought the blog needed a picture. No great wisdom or thought going into it, obviously, but it's part of how my writing (what there is of it) has changed.

I look back at some of the stuff I have written lately and it's not good. The quality of the writing itself is as good or as bad as it's ever been. Shakespeare's not yet too worried, but the content just seems bitter or angry sometimes and to be honest, it's not coming from a very good place. Talking about shooting someone in his "fat-encrusted heart" or making fun of midgets or even bad-mouthing Obama all seem funny but at the same time those mean comments are coming from a source that I don't really like. Mama says, "What's down in the well comes up in the bucket". I don't like my well lately and I could use several things as excuses but it comes down to being my choice.

In the Old Testament there is a story about a man named Joshua who had a choice to make. His choice would affect generations of people to come. The decision he made and his stand to live by that choice had direct implications on how his children and his children's children would live their lives. It was a time when idolatry was more common than serving God and Joshua stood up before his family and his friends and even his enemies and announced his decision. He didn't make fun of those who didn't agree with him or make them look stupid. In fact he gave them the option to continue serving their man-made gods but he told them in Joshua 24, verse 15, "But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."

I love that story! It is inspiring to read about Joshua and his commitment. I even have the last part of that verse on a large plaque in my living room letting everyone know that I agree with Joshua and I, too, say, "As for me and my household, we will serve the LORD." But there's a problem. What if they don't? What if my kids, who are older teenagers, don't live like they care to serve the Lord? You see, I have found that just because I say something doesn't necessarily make it true. Imagine that! Just because I say that my family will serve the Lord and not serve man-made idols does not mean that it happens. I know because I have seen their Myspace pages and I know who they run with and I have seen pictures and heard from their own lips things that are contrary to the whole "me and my house" thing. I'm trying to lead the charge and I look behind me and nobody is there. You're not much of a leader if nobody follows, huh?

So, now I'm just frustrated. I understand that people (even teenagers) are responsible for their own actions and that we all have free will. I know I can't convince everybody in the world that my way is the right way. Heck, I'm guilty of not living it myself. In fact, don't tell my kids but I did all the things they are doing and then some and I still screw up more than most. I don't want to do that, though, and I ache for my kids to not have to experience the consequences that I did because I was not choosing to serve the Lord. I have first-hand experience to the blessings of obedience and the consequences of disobedience but I feel like my hands are tied behind me when it comes to talking to my kids. Evidently I ruined their lives by marrying their mother years ago so they don't talk to me about anything.

Actually, I have to take my share of the blame. I'm the adult and I should be able to react better when they act like they do but after a few years of rarely, if ever, hearing "I'm sorry" or "I apologize", I began to realize that they weren't sorry and that it didn't matter what I said or did. I couldn't make them genuinely regretful about whatever it was I thought they should be regretful. As you can imagine, our relationship has suffered. I know my wife loves me but it causes problems when I don't see eye-to-eye with our kids. Again, I know I'm not the first or last to go through junk like this and I'm gonna try to adjust my writing style a little more toward the positive side. I believe you choose your own attitude but even more I have peace and joy in my life even when things don't go my way. I'm not perfect and I may still make a few snide remarks about Obama or soul patches but when I choose to serve the Lord and to have a personal relationship with Jesus, who is God and the Christ, I know I am forgiven of all my sins and that takes the weight off of me.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Sounds like something I might say...

It's 700 degrees outside and I only had a sandwich for lunch so I think I deserved an ice cream cone from Braum's. I sat down to enjoy the treat and overheard a man talking to his wife at a table near mine. Using all of his white trash education he was explaining how a crook launders money. Now, I know as well as any man the importance of having my wife think that I know what I'm talking about at all times but I'm pretty sure laundering money does not involve using your stolen money to buy a laundromat.

Monday, August 04, 2008


Richard Cooey is a deathrow inmate in Ohio who says he is too fat to be given the lethal injection. His claim is that executioners would have trouble finding his veins and that his weight could diminish the effectiveness of one of the lethal injection drugs. He also takes a drug for migraine headaches that could interfere with the effectiveness of the...blah, blah...painful...blah, blah, blah...fat boy.

Several solutions come to mind to fix the problem for this raping murderer. He's had over twenty years to get fat on the prison diet. I've visited prisons and eaten the food and I find it hard to believe that anybody could gain weight on it but evidently Deep Dish Cooey was able to. My practical side just says to put him on bread and water for a while and force him to lose weight. You could also get a couple of Dobermans to chase him around the yard a bit. You know, for fun and exercise! Let's get Richard Simmons in there. Build up his cardio, maybe shock the abs, keep'em guessing. I know Richard would like it.

This migraine medicine problem seems pretty easy to solve, huh? Let's see, we could maybe give him another medicine to counteract the migraine medicine and give that a few months or years to work. Maybe some therapy to solve the problem behind the migraines would help. In totally unrelated news, the parents of the victims have been having migraines for about twenty years now and have actually lost some weight but that's their problem. Anyhow, I'd hate to see Tons o' Fun meet his Maker with a headache. That would be a crime.

Or we could just shoot ol' Gooey Cooey in his fat-encrusted heart. He'd be an easy target.

Mr. Sensitivity

I went into a long emotional story the other day with a coworker about a horrible, probably fatal car crash I had seen. A mother and her three little children were hit from behind and landed on their roof. My friend and I were the first ones on the scene and pulled them from the car. I told my coworker that the mother was rushed to the hospital by ambulance but probably didn't make it. His response? "Was she hot?"

Friday, August 01, 2008

Dude, I got so Ambien'ed last night!

Maybe you have heard stories about people taking the prescription sleeping pill Ambien and doing crazy things while they are asleep. There are numerous reports of people sleep-walking, sleep-driving and even sleep-eating while on Ambien but I never believed it until I started taking the drug. It has been a problem for me a couple of times when something finally does wake me up at night but now I seem to have another problem with Ambien: sleep-blogging.

I started taking Ambien about a year ago and immediately noticed a wonderful difference in my ability to get to sleep. Between health problems and teenagers it seemed that a good night's sleep was just a dream but this wonder drug changed all that. And more. Twice I have woken up to find myself somewhere besides my bed and one of those times could have landed me in jail if the cops had asked me any questions and realized how out of it I was. No kidding.

Many times my wife has asked me if I remember the phone ringing in the night or her trying to wake me up but I didn't respond. Some people tell me that they have to take Ambien practically on the way down the hall to their bed or they won't make it but I'm not that way. I can take it and then I have a few minutes before I start getting sleepy. That's where the problem comes with blogging. I need pretty much silence to write anything here and usually wait until my wife goes to bed to start typing. I don't do it on purpose but several times I have woken up the next day and not known what I had written about the night before. I promise I'm not kidding. I have checked my email more than once and there is a response to some post that I have no idea how it got there.

The point of me explaining this is twofold. First, if you decide you need help falling asleep then I recommend Ambien but be very careful and it is probably best not to be alone if you take it. Secondly, read this blog with a grain of salt. I'm not smart enough to comment on most things if I'm not on Ambien but if you read something here and it's stupid or doesn't make sense then we can blame it on the pill. Also, if I offend somebody (like saying your soul patch looks gay) there is a good chance I was doped up when I wrote it. Not always, but sometimes. So, beware of anything I write after about 9:30. And I will try to stay off the computer and in my bed tonight.