Sunday, September 19, 2010

I love a good quote.

I'm gonna try to use this one today myself...

I don't think it's nice, you laughin'. You see, my mule don't like people laughing. He gets the crazy idea you're laughin' at him. Now if you apologize, like I know you're going to, I might convince him that you really didn't mean it. Joe (Fistful of Dollars, 1964)

h/t Clint Eastwood

49 comments:

The Donald said...

"Nothing like a good piece of hickory."

Preacher - Pale Rider

Anonymous said...

"Sorry I'm late. There was this big problem... and I'm late because of it."

- Walter 'Gib' Gibson, The Sure Thing

todd said...

"Relax, Zipperhead."

Walt Kowalski - Gran Torino

Anonymous said...

"When I got tired, I slept. When I got hungry, I ate. When I had to go, you know, I went. That's all I have to say about that."

Anonymous said...

"Can I borrow your towel for a sec? My car just hit a water buffalo."

- Irwin M. Fletcher

Anonymous said...

"I'd just put Ed Hickey into a taxi. Ed had been mixing his rye with his gin, and I just felt that he needed conveying. Well, anyway, I was walking down along the street and I heard this voice saying, "Good evening, Mr. Dowd." Well, I turned around and here was this big six-foot rabbit leaning up against a lamp-post. Well, I thought nothing of that because when you've lived in a town as long as I've lived in this one, you get used to the fact that everybody knows your name. And naturally I went over to chat with him. And he said to me... he said, "Ed Hickey was a little spiffed this evening, or could I be mistaken?" Well, of course, he was not mistaken. I think the world and all of Ed, but he was spiffed. Well, we talked like that for awhile and then I said to him, I said, "You have the advantage on me. You know my name and I don't know yours." And, and right back at me he said, "What name do you like?" Well, I didn't even have to think twice about that. Harvey's always been my favorite name. So I said to him, I said, "Harvey." And, uh, this is the interesting thing about the whole thing: He said, "What a coincidence. My name happens to be Harvey.""

- Elwood P. Dowd

Anonymous said...

"Is this going to be a long quote?"

- Todd

Anonymous said...

"Oh, it's twue. It's twue."

- Lili von Shtupp

Anonymous said...

"He's making violent love to me, mother!"

- Mary Hatch, before she was Bailey

The Donald said...

"I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that."

- Lloyd Dobler

Anonymous said...

"Nothing wrong with shooting as long as the right people get shot!"

- Tommy, er, Harry Callahan

Anonymous said...

"Say Bob, do I have any openings that this man might fit?"

- Empress Nympho

Anonymous said...

"Just because my grandfather didn't rape the environment and exploit the workers doesn't make me a peasant. And it's not that he didn't want to rape the environment and exploit the workers, I'm sure he did. It's just that as a barber, he didn't have that much opportunity."

- Roger

The Donald said...

"HA! Jump up outta his grave and snatch her bald-headed! Miss Daisy, you oughta go on away from here!"

- Hoke Colburn

Anonymous said...

"OK, I deserve that. Listen, it's Gloria, right? You're a really nice girl and I'm a nice guy, and you're very pretty with or without cleavage, and what do you say... would you like to take a shower?"

- Tony Carlson

Anonymous said...

"My liege, I did deny no prisoners.
But I remember, when the fight was done,
When I was dry with rage and extreme toil,
Breathless and faint, leaning upon my sword,
Came there a certain lord, neat, and trimly dress'd,
Fresh as a bridegroom; and his chin new reap'd
Show'd like a stubble-land at harvest-home;
He was perfumed like a milliner;
And 'twixt his finger and his thumb he held
A pouncet-box, which ever and anon
He gave his nose and took't away again;
Who therewith angry, when it next came there,
Took it in snuff; and still he smiled and talk'd,
And as the soldiers bore dead bodies by,
He call'd them untaught knaves, unmannerly,
To bring a slovenly unhandsome corse
Betwixt the wind and his nobility. With many holiday and lady terms
He question'd me; amongst the rest, demanded
My prisoners in your majesty's behalf.
I then, all smarting with my wounds being cold,
To be so pester'd with a popinjay,
Out of my grief and my impatience,
Answer'd neglectingly I know not what,
He should or he should not; for he made me mad
To see him shine so brisk and smell so sweet
And talk so like a waiting-gentlewoman
Of guns and drums and wounds,—God save the mark!—
And telling me the sovereign'st thing on earth
Was parmaceti for an inward bruise;
And that it was great pity, so it was,
This villanous salt-petre should be digg'd
Out of the bowels of the harmless earth,
Which many a good tall fellow had destroy'd
So cowardly; and but for these vile guns,
He would himself have been a soldier.
This bald unjointed chat of his, my lord,
I answer'd indirectly, as I said;
And I beseech you, let not his report
Come current for an accusation
Betwixt my love and your high majesty."

- Hotspur

Anonymous said...

"Hallo. Vould you like to have a roll in ze hay?"

- Inga

Anonymous said...

" I've been going to this high school for seven and a half years. I'm no dummy. I know high school girls."

- Charles de Mar

Anonymous said...

"Bogus. Heinous. Most non-triumphant. Ah, Ted, don't be dead, dude."

- Bill

Anonymous said...

"My fellow Austrians, I shall not be seeing you again perhaps for a very long time. I would like to sing for you now... a love song. I know you share this love. I pray that you will never let it die."

Captain von Trapp

Anonymous said...

•"Oh! I killed Bunbury this afternoon. I mean poor Bunbury died this afternoon."

- Oscar Wilde

Anonymous said...

"Cut me some slack, Jack! Chump don' want no help, chump don't GET da' help!"

- June Cleaver

Anonymous said...

"Beware the beast Man, for he is the Devil's pawn. Alone among God's primates, he kills for sport or lust or greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him; drive him back into his jungle lair, for he is the harbinger of death."

- Cornelius

Anonymous said...

"You pit your wits with me, little man, and you won't have your wits to pit with, know what I mean?"

- Sam Diamond

Anonymous said...

"Greg, honey, is it supposed to be this soft?"

- Babs

Anonymous said...

"I race cars, play tennis, and fondle women, BUT! I have weekends off, and I am my own boss."

- Arthur

Anonymous said...

"Get...out of here!"

- Axel Foley

Anonymous said...

"But we are involved, Etta. Don't you know that? I mean you are riding on my bicycle - in some Arabian countries that's the same as being married."

- Butch Cassidy

Anonymous said...

"That was the end of Grogan... the man who killed my father, raped and murdered my sister, burned my ranch, shot my dog, and stole my Bible!"

- Joan Wilder

Anonymous said...

"I had the most absurd nightmare. I was poor and no one liked me. I lost my job, I lost my house, Penelope hated me and it was all because of this terrible, awful Negro."

- Louis Winthorpe III

Anonymous said...

"Leave me alone! I don't like fast women."

- Indiana Jones

Anonymous said...

"I'm as happy as a puppy with two peters."

- Clay Stone

Anonymous said...

"Bummer of a birthmark, Hal."

- The Far Side

Anonymous said...

"Yes, Pete, it is. In fact , it's pronounced "mill-e-wah-que" which is Algonquin for "the good land"."

- Alice Cooper

Anonymous said...

"Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it."

- Navin R. Johnson

Anonymous said...

"And I want the rest of you cowboys to know something, there's a new sheriff in town. And his name is Reggie Hammond. So y'all be cool. Right on."

- Reggie

Anonymous said...

"Ruprecht, do you want the genital cuff?"

- Lawrence Jamieson

Anonymous said...

"Orangutan, Ma. Clyde's an orangutan."

- Philo Beddoe

Anonymous said...

"Nick, I've tried everything: the embassy, the German government, the consulate. I even talked to the U.N. ambassador. It's no use, I just can't bring my wife to orgasm."

- Martin

Anonymous said...

"You don't have to go to college. This isn't Russia. Is this Russia? This isn't Russia."

- Ty Webb

The Donald said...

"Well, this is not a boat accident! And it wasn't any propeller; and it wasn't any coral reef; and it wasn't Jack the Ripper! It was a shark."

- Hooper

Anonymous said...

"Marriage is about the most expensive way for the average man to get laundry done."

- Burt Reynolds

Anonymous said...

"If only my folks had beaten me, I could have gotten some material about my miserable childhood. But as it is, I've had a great life."

- Tim Conway

Anonymous said...

"Oh, sure. Black bears, grizzlies. One of 'em came along here and ate an old lesbian just last month."

- Norman Thayer

Anonymous said...

"Well, if I do change my mind, you'll know because my breasts will be heaving and moist with perspiration."

- Roxanne Kowalski

Anonymous said...

"They're ivory. Only a pimp from a cheap New Orleans whorehouse would carry a pearl-handled pistol."

- Gen. Geo. Patton

Anonymous said...

I would iterate that doing laundry, making the bed, and sex, are pursuits in which one might be financially advantaged to forgo marriage and instead engage by hand.

- The Donald

Anonymous said...

"Words that do not create images should be discarded."

- Gerry Spence

The Donald said...

Hey, Anon 8:33! Iterate? Postulate, perhaps, but I don't know that I'd say iterate. Valid point though, I suppose.