Wednesday, March 30, 2011


When I was younger I would daydream about being a cowboy or a race car driver or about girls.  Now...
I imagine a slip'n slide that has chocolate chip cookies instead of water and a barrel of cold milk at the end.

Why I blog.

Some people blog because their intelligence will benefit mankind.  Some people blog because their insightful writing is motivational and poetically beautiful.  Some say they blog just to express themselves in this increasingly original-thought-stifling culture.  I blog just to read the comments afterward.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Evidently I'm a genius now.

I've spent my whole life going to church.  My father is a pastor.  My brother in law, cousins and uncles are pastors.  My grandfather was a pastor.  I even have an ancestor who came over on the Mayflower who was the minister for that group.  Not until recently though have I been called to that position.  As of March 20th I am now the called pastor of First Baptist Church Runaway Bay.  It's a big step for me.  There are alot of things I don't know.  I've preached before but there is a big difference between being a preacher and being a pastor.

The biggest difference I have found so far is that now that I am a pastor I am evidently the smartest guy around.  I say that, not because I think so or could possibly back it up, but because of the questions people ask me.  I'm one whole week into this job and I have gotten questions, all from adults, that include:  Are angels male or female?  How old is the earth?  If Adam and Eve only had Cain and Abel, how did they populate the earth?  Did black people evolve from monkeys?  Are you a Calvinist or an Armenian?  What does Satan look like?  Are gay people born that way?  Why is there so much suffering in the world?

Now all of those questions can be answered.  None of them are impossible at least to the best we can know but two weeks ago nobody was asking me those questions!  I can't wait until I have a few months under my belt.  I'm really gonna know it all!

Monday, March 21, 2011


I just noticed some comment on a previous post to my dogs that said, "Jesus kind sorta believed in Karma. "Treat others as you would have them treat you..."

Even "Who is my brother?" is karma-ish.

Whoever anonymously wrote that I wish you would explain #1 what that has to do with my dogs and #2 if you really believe Jesus believed in Karma. 
Thanks, Todd

Can't somebody just ask him?

Gadhafi, Qaddafi, Al-Qadhafi, Gathafi, Khaddafi?  Which is it Muammar?  And is he really still just a Colonel?  Shouldn't he be up for promotion by now?

Thursday, March 17, 2011


In honor of my 600th blog post I have decided to buy myself this Mercedes Benz 600 limo.  I'm using the money I found in the median today.

I'm part Irish...part Comanche

“May the strength of God pilot us, may the wisdom of God instruct us, may the hand of God protect us, may the word of God direct us. Be always ours this day and forever more.”

- St. Patrick


One of my favorite games...

This is a game I like to play, usually when driving down the road with somebody and you have plenty of time.  The rules are based on what happened in Ohio here.  Somebody found a huge amount of cash on the street and nobody claims it and it is yours to do with what you want.  Except you can't pay bills with it and you can't give it away.  You have to buy something for yourself.  What do you buy?  In my scenario, I like to start out with a small amount and move up to "unlimited funds" but for this game we will use about what was found in the news story which I think was about $10,000.  For me, the first thing I would buy would depend on which was closer, the motorcycle store or the gun store.  How about you?

Thursday, March 10, 2011

"I was bullied."

Hahaha!  I bet you were!

Gaddafi is crazy!

What kind of person says of his own people, ""I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordnance to the ground."?

Oh, wait, sorry.  That was Charlie Sheen.

My version...

This is what happened when this guy broke into my home:

Shower running.
Timothy James Chapnek:  Man, this guy has NO shampoo in here at all!

BOOM!!!  BOOM!!!  BOOM!!!

Timothy James Chapnek:  Ahh!!  Help  911!!  The homeowner is shooting me in the...argh...

Me:  That'll teach ya to use up my hot water.

I've heard of using Kleenex for padding...

This reminds me of Groucho Marx:  I just shot an elephant in my pajamas.  How it got in my pajamas I'll never know!

Dear Bo, Sara and Dori

Dear Dogs:

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

I cannot buy any thing bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm..

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom!If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, bark, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's backside. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:


(1) They live here. You don't.

(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.

(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Monday, March 07, 2011


This is First Baptist Church Runaway Bay.  It's very much like the first church in the Book of Acts and I am excited to see how God works there.  I've had the opportunity to preach there pretty steadily since December and hope to continue to for awhile.

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

I don't believe it.

I don't believe this story at all.  First, there's no way a mini van can do 100 mph.  Second, what man in his right mind wouldn't slam on the brakes and then floor it again?  I bet she was yapping the whole time she was out there:

Slow down before I break a nail!

Honey, can you drop me off at the mall?

You're gonna have to put gas in this when you're done!  You know that don't ya?

This is ruining my hair!

I hope the neighbors don't see me in these shoes.

This windshield is filthy.  I thought you said you washed this.

You're gonna have to take me somewhere nice to make up for this.

Hang on, I'm getting a text.

So, anyhow I told Becky she didn't have to put up with that kind of...

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...poor guy.