Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Graves Disease

If I have been rude to you, fallen asleep while you talked or stared at you with my eyes bugging out, this website that my friend Gary found may explain some of that. Or maybe I was just so shocked that you are such a jerk that I fell asleep. It could happen.

Credit crunch?

I just got an email from my credit card company saying my limit had been upped to something crazy. I think I'll go buy a house.

Sharkbait or hero?

Would you do this for your dog? I would like to think I would.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Because I can...

Just because I didn't want any of my loyal fans to have to look at either Lyin' Al Gore or Fancypants Aiken when they did their hourly check-in, here's a picture that is better. (I'm home sick, by the way, so enjoy these brief moments of creativity while they last.)

Gore urges more stupidity

"If you're a young person looking at the future of this planet and looking at what is being done right now, and not done, I believe we have reached the stage where it is time for civil disobedience to prevent the construction of new coal plants that do not have carbon capture and sequestration," Gore told the Clinton Global Initiative gathering to loud applause.

Wow #1: Gore can still get a speaking gig.

Wow #2: People applaud him like they are listening.

Wow #3: He just told young people they should break the law.

He's right. And left. And wrong.

Clay Aiken has come out of the closet and admitted he's gay. Shocker. In the article he says, "I don't really feel like I have anybody to answer to but myself and God and the people I love." It's that whole answering to God part that's the doozy.

Exodus 20:14

1 Corinthians 6:9-10

1 Corinthians 5:1

Ephesians 5:3

Leviticus 18:22

Deuteronomy 23:17

Leviticus 20:13

Romans 1:24-27

1 Timothy 1:10

Fortunately for Clay there are also:

(Jeremiah 29:11-13 NKJV) For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. {12} Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. {13} And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.

(Romans 10:10-13 NKJV) For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. {11} For the Scripture says, "Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame." {12} For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek, for the same Lord over all is rich to all who call upon Him. {13} For "whoever calls on the name of the LORD shall be saved."

Jeremiah 33:8 I will cleanse them from all the sin they have committed against me and will forgive all their sins of rebellion against me.

1 John 2:12 KJV I write unto you, little children, because your sins are forgiven you for his name's sake.

He beat me to it.

I started to do the exact same thing. Now it would be just like I was trying to copy-cat him again.

Cleaning up after Gustav

Here are a few pics of our trip to Donaldsonville, LA a couple of weeks ago. Five of us from my church went there to chainsaw trees and tarp some roofs messed up by the hurricane. We also got to talk to some folks about Jesus so it was a good time. It was good to be able to help. Samaritan's Purse had everything we needed.

PETA knows breast


In totally unrelated news, Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream and all restaurants in Switzerland will soon declare bankruptcy.

Farm cows groan in pain.

Oh, No! What's this world coming to?

Please tell me it's not true! Actually, I didn't know Bette Midler was still alive, much less touring and even much less, has a fleet of trucks to help her do it!

Three things I have in common with Bette Midler:

1) I wear old clothes.

2) I recycle.

3) I'm not news.

The Skunk Defense

It would be cruel and unusual to be his cellmate!

Should we bail out Big Popcorn?

My friend Don has the best description of the financial crisis going on in an easy-to-read way right here but the real question is: How is it going to affect me and my popcorn consumption? Have you priced popcorn lately? Not movie popcorn. My ARPM (adjustable rate popcorn mortgage) ballooned and burst when I saw Batman a few weeks ago and scared the whole theater! I got Flabbie Mac to give me a loan so I got the large tub with extra butter. (He said I could afford it!) Anyway, movie popcorn has always been expensive but have you priced regular popcorn lately? Through the roof! My wife and I made a popcorn investment the other day at WalMart (or, "the walmarts" as the rednecks say in my neighborhood. ie; I gotta go to the walmarts to get some new camo for church sunday!). We purchased a box of microwave popcorn and some stove top popcorn and 2 containers of shakeable butter and nacho flavoring. $174! Or something like that. Sent our whole household economy into a tailspin. I blame Willie Nelson. Stupid Biodiesel.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Palin for Pres!

OK, I'm trying to watch McCain's speech but he ain't no Sarah Palin!

What are these people trying to do? Make money?

Notice: I will be bringing my attorney with me to all fast-food restaurants from now on. I think a quick contract should probably be drawn up before ordering.

The party of the first part (Todd) shall be heretofor (hereforto?) notified in verbal or written communication if the party of the second part (restaurant name) does or does not actually mean or further fully represent what is on the menu of the party of the second parts' restaurant at the price represented.

If the party of the second part (I got that from the Marx Brothers, by the way. There should be a joke coming soon about "party"), ahem...anyway, if the party of the second part is including a side dish as part of the price it will be expected that said side dish will be in the picture with the main dish and the words "select a side" would be interpreted to mean that the side is included in the payment price. Including a picture of the side dish and the words "select a side" are legal proof that the party of the second part will indeed include said side dish for the remuniation expected and advertised on the sign.

If and when the party of the first part decides that said side dish should not be included in the advertised meal for whatever reason he deems necessary (your hash browns are icky), then the party of the second part shall not punish the party of the first part in monetary or mentally abusive manners and will leave off icky side dish and should, but will not be forced to, lower the advertised price to equally reflect fair market price for advertised meal minus the cost of icky side if purchased seperately.

The party of the first part also reserves the right to order a glass of water for no charge in a "courtesy cup" with a little bit of courtesy and obtain said cup with a size large enough to hold at least the amount of water that would moisten the lips of the average Chinese gymnast.

In conclusion, no, the party of the first part does not want an apple pie or he would order an apple pie. How long have those been in there, anyway?

Acceptance of remuniation from the party of the first part by the party of the second part shall decidedly acknowledge acceptance of these terms and will decidedly make the party of the first part to get together with the party of the second part and have a party of the best part!

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Coulda been

I'm watching the Republican Convention and Rudy is rockin'! Last night Fred ruled the joint! McCain is infinitely better than Obama but I can't help think about what could have been.


I like Sarah Palin because she is pro-choice. She chooses to hunt, fish, trap, eat meat and wear fur!


I remember as a little kid watching the Democratic and National Conventions (well, I saw them, I may not have been watching). I remember as a child thinking,"What in the world are they doing? They look like idiots"! Nearly 40 years later, I sit there watching the conventions and I think, "What in the world are they doing? They look like idiots"!

Tuesday, September 02, 2008


I was sitting out on the back porch tonight and realized that everything out there was in perfect harmony. The sun was almost down, setting below the trees with a fresh, light wind blowing and the smell of freshly-cut grass and my dogs were finding something to sniff by the tree. I listened as a cicada made an incredibly loud noise for such a small critter and I just watched as the trees swayed in the scented wind. It made me think how I wish the rest of my life could be as harmonious as nature. Then I remembered that in almost all aspects of nature it is kill or be killed and I realized...hmm, not much different.