Saturday, September 26, 2009

I knew it!

I knew this was going to be problem! I just knew it. This Facebook thing is a pain in my neck. Number one, I don't really understand how it all works and really don't care to waste brain cells finding out. The problems are that all these people I haven't seen in years are coming out of the woodwork asking to be my Facebook friend. Now, this is ok for some of them but all you freaks I went to high school with, I probably lost touch with you on purpose. It is remotely interesting to see what you look like after all these years but I don't want to rekindle 147 lost friendships. Who has the time or emotional slack to do all that?

Also, all you dorks who only play games on Facebook, quit hogging up my page with pictures of farm animals and fish and then giving me "gifts" of fences or fish hooks. I thought you really wanted to give me a gift, not invite me to join your aquarium watching or whatever that is.

So, again, I don't understand how this works. Can I delete some of these people who I don't want and can I ignore new requests without people thinking bad about me? Is that mean? Because I don't want to be friends with the grandmother of some guy I knew vaguely in 1984, am I a bad guy? Stupid Facebook. I knew this would happen.

Friday, September 25, 2009

What's the NRA's strategy?


I mentioned awhile back that I joined the NRA and they immediately started asking for a renewal. I don't mean "immediately" as in "waited an appropriate length of time", or "soon thereafter". I mean, the incessant begging nearly beat me home from the gun show where I signed up! Then it literally (you might think I'm exaggerating but I'm not) kept on every two weeks for exactly one year. At the end of the year, I went online and renewed. That was 2 months ago and I've not heard a peep from them. No "Welcome back, Todd" or "Thanks again, Todd" or "Kiss my AR-15, Todd". Nothing... I'm starting to miss them... Maybe I should send them more money.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

It wasn't me this time!

Wrong Lake Worth, different dog, different gun and I'm not quite that old. And when a cop says "Drop the gun", you can set it down slowly...and no warning shots! And who needs clothes?



h/t
Lagniappe

Bill's a fan.


Mr. President, how many times a day do you read "Blog I thought you said Dog"?


"Just once a day, but I follow him on Facebook".

Habit or convenience?

I'm thinking about taking up smoking. Some people at work smoke and it seems like every few minutes they're standing outside taking a break while I'm inside (pretty much) working. How do they get away with that? I heard somewhere that you lose ten minutes of life for every cigarette you smoke but these people are getting out of work for ten minutes every time so I figure they are breaking even. So, I'm gonna start. Maybe cigars. Or even a pipe! A pipe would be cool! I know! I'll start cigarettes, cigars and a pipe. And dipping snuff. I can stand outside in the heat, cold and wind a long time if I do that and get time off for being sick and cancerous and stuff. Yea, that's it! Now, I wonder what I can do if I smoke crack...

Stupid Facebook







I broke down and got a Facebook page like every other bozo in the world. I did it because our Sunday School Class (Bible Fellowship) has a page and I wanted to comment on it. So, go over there and sample my biting wit in gems like these:






I didn't even know I had a Flickr account much less that these 3 photos would be the only thing there: My nephew True, some dog I don't know, and Sadie telling me not to take that picture.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Storytime in parts

--Part XIII--

Officer Walter Blunt was looking forward to getting away for a few hours. The last several days had seen his caseload increase dramatically and everybody seemed to have an emergency, real or imagined. The small Pennsylvania town where he was a police officer rarely saw much action and he usually spent his shifts babysitting the townspeople in a small matrix of semi-serious confrontations typically stemming from one generation to the other or from one sex to the other. Officer Blunt had received formal training in everything from riot control to public relations but the past couple of years his sole focus had been much closer to the latter.

He had not voted for Eisenhower for president since Eisenhower was a Republican and Blunt came from a long line of Democrats and yet Blunt felt that the man was honest and well-intentioned and probably idealistically correct. It was all a moot point at the moment because Officer Blunt had a job to do and he would do that job no matter his personal feelings about the man. Blunt was to be a part of a joint task force comprised mostly of local police officers who were to provide crowd control while the president made a stop in a neighboring town as part of his effort to drum up support for an interstate highway system.


Blunt checked in and got instructions. He was to keep well-wishers and gaukers off of the roadway so the president's limo could pass by without anybody getting hurt. When he got to his station he saw several people had already lined up along the curb and some were already copping a squat right next to where President Eisenhower would be entering the hotel. The scene was chaotic with local police running into federal police and being screamed at all the while by Secret Servive. Local police had the black cotton uniform, the federal agents would be in suits and ties and the secret service would be in nice suits and ties and wearing sunglasses.

News crews in awkward looking panel vans were setting up right in front of Blunt and he first asked them nicely to leave and then when he was ignored he and two others gave the crew a stiff warning about where that van would wind up if it was not moved promptly. Promptly it was moved and another immediately took it's place. Blunt and the others skipped the nice part and proceeded to threaten which worked pretty well after some moaning and question-asking. Another officer from another city smiled at Blunt and said,"Say what you want as long as you do what I say! Right, officer?" Walter smiled. It beats breaking up a family squabble about who drank who's beer. Blunt felt like he was doing important duty here and he was glad to help.

President Eisenhower's car pulled up in front of the hotel accompanied by various other vehicles doing various other duties. Red velour ropes cordoned off the pathway from the car to the hotel entrance. The car had Presidential Seal flags flying on both front fenders. The 1953 Cadillac Fleetwood Limo was black with a soft vinyl top and tons of chrome that enjoyed it's long journey from the collection at the front bumper and streaked down the side to the back door and accentuated the sexy curve of the cars hips and down to the sultry fins on the back.

At the same time as a Secret Service officer stepped forward to open the limo door for Eisenhower, Officer Blunt stepped forward to encourage a few stragglers to move away from the velour rope.

"Move away, please. Thank you... Move away from the rope, please...Step to the curb, please...Thank you..."

Seeing a young girl holding the rope, Officer Blunt put his hand gently but firmly on her shoulder to demand that she move back.

"Move away from the ro..."

The president stepped out of the car and took a few steps smiling broadly and waving to the crowd. He was almost actually glad to be there and his smile was less artificial than at other times. He was willing to shake a few hands and make a show of enjoying his small-town stops and this seemed like a good time and place with plenty of reporters, cameras and security. Seeing the local police officer with his hand on the young girl's shoulder would be a good place to start so President Dwight David Eisenhower moved rapidly to the pair. In spite of what seemed like an odd exchange of glances between the two, Ike held out his hand to the pretty little girl and gave his standard greeting.

"Dwight Eisenhower", he said with a nod.

Waste of time


So, I just spent about a minute and a half watching the Cowboy game tonight. That's a minute and a half longer than I intended to but it was just enough time to see the Boys throw an interception for a touchdown, Jerry Jones was picking his nose and then they fumbled the return kick. Good stuff.

Storytime in parts

--Part XIII--Officer Walter Blunt was looking forward to getting away for a few hours. The last several days had seen his caseload increase dramatically and everybody seemed to have an emergency, real or imagined. The small Pennsylvania town where he was a police officer rarely saw much action and he usually spent his shifts babysitting the townspeople in a small matrix of semi-serious confrontations typically stemming from one generation to the other or from one sex to the other. Officer Blunt had received formal training in everything from riot control to public relations but the past couple of years his sole focus had been much closer to the latter.

He had not voted for Eisenhower for president since Eisenhower was a Republican and Blunt came from a long line of Democrats and yet Blunt felt that the man was honest and well-intentioned and probably idealistically correct. It was all a moot point at the moment because Officer Blunt had a job to do and he would do that job no matter his personal feelings about the man. Blunt was to be a part of a joint task force comprised mostly of local police officers who were to provide crowd control while the president made a stop in a neighboring town as part of his effort to drum up support for an interstate highway system.

Blunt checked in and got instructions. He was to keep well-wishers and gaukers off of the roadway so the president's limo could pass by without anybody getting hurt. When he got to his station he saw several people had already lined up along the curb and some were already copping a squat right next to where President Eisenhower would be entering the hotel. The scene was chaotic with local police running into federal police and being screamed at all the while by Secret Servive. Local police had the black cotton uniform, the federal agents would be in suits and ties and the secret service would be in nice suits and ties and wearing sunglasses.

News crews in awkward looking panel vans were setting up right in front of Blunt and he first asked them nicely to leave and then when he was ignored he and two others gave the crew a stiff warning about where that van would wind up if it was not moved promptly. Promptly it was moved and another immediately took it's place. Blunt and the others skipped the nice part and proceeded to threaten which worked pretty well after some moaning and question-asking. Another officer from another city smiled at Blunt and said,"Say what you want as long as you do what I say! Right, officer?" Walter smiled. It beats breaking up a family squabble about who drank who's beer. Blunt felt like he was doing important duty here and he was glad to help.

President Eisenhower's car pulled up in front of the hotel accompanied by various other vehicles doing various other duties. Red velour ropes cordoned off the pathway from the car to the hotel entrance. The car had Presidential Seal flags flying on both front fenders. The 1953 Cadillac Fleetwood Limo was black with a soft vinyl top and tons of chrome that enjoyed it's long journey from the collection at the front bumper and streaked down the side to the back door and accentuated the sexy curve of the cars hips and down to the sultry fins on the back.

At the same time as a Secret Service officer stepped forward to open the limo door for Eisenhower, Officer Blunt stepped forward to encourage a few stragglers to move away from the velour rope.

"Move away, please. Thank you... Move away from the rope, please...Step to the curb, please...Thank you..."

Seeing a young girl holding the rope, Officer Blunt put his hand gently but firmly on her shoulder to demand that she move back.

"Move away from the ro..."

The president stepped out of the car and took a few steps smiling broadly and waving to the crowd. He was almost actually glad to be there and his smile was less artificial than at other times. He was willing to shake a few hands and make a show of enjoying his small-town stops and this seemed like a good time and place with plenty of reporters, cameras and security.

Seeing the local police officer with his hand on the young girl's shoulder would be a good place to start so President Dwight David Eisenhower moved rapidly to the pair. In spite of what seemed like an odd exchange of glances between the two, Ike held out his hand to the pretty little girl and gave his standard greeting.

"Dwight Eisenhower", he said with a nod.

Shuttle


The Space Shuttle was temporarily diverted to NAS JRB and flew what seemed like 5 feet over my house today. I took this with my camera phone. You can't see the shuttle, though. So, ya gotta believe me.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Those crazy Baptists...

Because figuring out what to wear to church shouldn't have to be so difficult...

I hope the preacher stands behind a podium.

Where do you pin the "visitor" ribbon?

Do you have to wear a tie to their traditional service?

In a real Baptist church you have to have pockets. Where else can you keep your wallet?

Jesus was pro-NRA


Our adult Sunday School class (or Adult Bible Fellowship) gets to color sometimes and I don't know if this is blasphemous or not but it got an A-plus for creativity and is hanging on our fridge! Stephen's mother is so proud.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

No hope for Roadhouse II, I guess.

This conversation was while watching the news yesterday:

Todd: Oh look. Patrick Swayze died.

Princess: Yea, I knew he'd been sick.

Todd: There's a stunning blow to society. What's he done good since Roadhouse?

Princess: --pause-- Well, I bet his family misses him.

Todd: They're just missing Roadhouse II.

Princess: --pause-- You're a jerk.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

My weekend...




Me and the boys went out again this weekend. Had a pretty good time. My wife, though, had another successful watermelon hunt. Note the proper gun etiquette. I'm so proud of her!

Saturday, September 12, 2009

I already dread work on Monday


"The trouble with my life is that I do not think I am cut out to sit behind a desk."--Howard Hughes

Storytime in parts

--Part XII--

In all the commotion Marilyn had not even realized she had stood up. Don walked over to her standing by the booth and said quietly, "Let's go." He started walking toward the kitchen. He looked back at her as if to ask if she was coming. She glanced once at the people by the door of the restaurant who were taking turns looking at her and Don and Jimbob. Nobody seemed to know what to do but there was alot of talking and alot of staring. She grabbed the plate of pancakes from her placemat and walked toward the kitchen.

Don was walking out the back door and nodded to the man who was doing the cooking. The cook nodded back to Don and went back to his grill without a word, oblivious to what was going on at the front of his establishment. Don kept the door open just long enough for Marilyn to scoot out and then he let it go and started walking through the back alley.

"Aren't you going to wait?", Marilyn asked incredulously.

"For what?"

"Well...the police, I guess."

"Do you want to wait for the cops?", Don asked and stopped walking.

Marilyn stopped too but then started walking even faster. Don smiled slightly as she caught up to him still carrying the plate of pancakes but now sporting a determined expression. They found Teddy around the corner and fed him the pancakes as they walked down the sidewalk. They walked several blocks with Marilyn's mind whirling about everything that was happening. It seemed like years since she had been home. She looked over at Teddy next to her. His coat looked dingy and ruffled. She looked down at her clothes that were filthy and then at the man next to her. She hardly knew this guy!

As if sensing her distress, Don slowed his pace.

"Let's sit down here for a minute and rest", he said and eased his lanky frame down to the curb. "I'm tired".

Marilyn followed but Teddy remained standing.

"Well, what now, Marilyn?", Don inquired.

"Whad'ya mean?", she stammered.

"Where are you going to go now?"

Marilyn thought for a second and tried to act like she had a plan. "Well, you see..."

In the pause, Don started talking. "I guess your momma must have really hated that Teddy, huh?"

Shocked out of her act, Marilyn turned to look at Don and said, "What? No, she loves Teddy! She thinks Teddy is great! And Teddy loves her, too!", she said defensively. "Why do you say that?"

"Oh, it must be your father, then. I guess he must hate dogs. That's why you left".

Marilyn shifted around so she could see his face. "No, no, no. He loves Teddy, too! In fact, he said Teddy is as good of a dog as he's seen and the best watchdog ever. Teddy knows when somebody bad is around. He can tell if somebody is bad or not. He growls at 'em. He would probably tear somebody up if they were mean to anybody in our family!"

As Don scratched Teddy behind the ear, Don said, "Hmm...well if they love Teddy so much, don't you think they are probably missing him about now? They probably wish he would come back home so he could protect them". He waited for a moment for that to set in and then said, "Dont'ya think?"

Marilyn looked at Teddy, trying not to let tears form in her eyes. He looked back at her and licked his lips and smiled like only Teddy could do.

"What has Teddy had to eat since you have been gone? Besides a few pancakes?", Don asked.

Don could barely hear the response. It was muffled and quiet. "Part of a candy bar..."

The three of them sat in silence for several minutes on the curb. A siren wailed in the distance and Teddy squirmed anxiously, trying to lick the tear rolling down Marilyn's cheek.

Finally a word.

"Maybe...maybe I should get Teddy home now." she said. "Momma and Daddy will be missing him. They need Teddy around the house, you know."

"I know."

Friday, September 11, 2009

My flag

I have to admit that I had not really thought about flying a flag until about 9/12/01. The day before really brought home to me and millions of other Americans the importance of my country and so, like so many others, I bought a flag and perched it out front of my house. I don't know how many flags I've had to replace now but I make sure that mine stays in good shape and keep a light on it at night. It has flown every day since then. It won't bring back three thousand-plus people but I haven't forgotten them.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

A good day


No, I didn't use a shotgun. Let me explain. The reason the shots are all over the paper is because I was shooting right handed, left handed, one handed, two handed...I did everything except use a mirror over my shoulder. I practiced from all different distances and combinations of hands. I even practiced loading the magazine left handed and with my eyes closed. Loading it left handed was considerably more difficult than I expected. No, I didn't shoot with my eyes closed. I figured the other people on the range might not appreciate that. I concentrated on the target even when the guy two lanes over brought out the hand cannon and with the old man on the other side sweeping up my brass from around my feet. I'll admit it was hard to focus on my target when somebody started using their laser on their target and commenced rapid-firing like a maniac. Overall, it was a good day, with a trip to Cabela's to replenish my stock and a big ol' steak for dinner. Now, if I could just figure out how to do all that and ride my motorcyle at the same time...

Sunday, September 06, 2009

I missed Bacon Day!


How come somebody didn't tell me that Bacon Day was yesterday? Did I miss the parade? Is there a Bacon Flag to fly? That explains why we are off work tomorrow! Well, let's at least all honor our country by having Bacon Explosions on the grill tomorrow!

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Oh, great...

Now Baptists are trying to kill Obama with assault rifles. Well, that's pretty much how the media portrays it here. Thanks, you brain-dead hillbillies for making the rest of us look bad!