Wednesday, January 07, 2009

I have C.B.A.


Well, I don't think it is going to kill me (much to the chagrine of some readers) but I'm pretty sure I have another disease. And it is a disease! I watch enough lawyer shows on TV to know that all addictions are basically diseases because we just can't help ourselves. We cannot cure ourselves of these insideous maladies no matter how hard we try. Because I have tried to stop, and have failed, I now qualify as diseased. I don't have the willpower or the mental fortitude to refuse and so now I qualify for government funding and probably some kind of drugs. I haven't pursued it further yet but the first step is admitting you have a problem, I know that.


My ailment is C.B.A, better known as Chronic Book Addiction. I'm addicted to buying books. My disorder is especially heinous in that it is both hereditary and cultural. My father's C.B.A. is in its final stages and he doesn't even recognize that he is infected. He has a Stage 3 library and has no more room in his house to store any more books although he keeps buying them. His non-fiction count is extremely high and although he says he can quit anytime, the family all knows better. His bookshelves won't last much longer. It also is so ingrained in our culture that our society almost encourages it. There is a Border's or a Barnes and Noble on nearly every corner and a public library in even the smallest towns and we continue to turn a blind eye toward this obsession.


Just today I found a Half Price Books in a part of town I would never have expected. I was just driving by minding my own business when I saw it in the strip center sitting there like the foul temptress it is. I couldn't help myself. There were so many books! And they were half price! Some, I hate to admit were even cheaper. I felt so dirty leaving there with my two grocery sacks full of books, some even made to listen to in the car while driving. I bought four Tom Clancy's, for pete's sake! Somebody stop me! Stop the madness before it's too late! I'll never read all the books I have right now and the sad part is that if I were honest I could tell you that I am looking forward to buying again. My only hope is that Obama will bail me out of this horrible pox and I can hold my head up with pride.


C.B.A. is a disease that we can conquer if we all pull together. No longer will we be outcasts, untouchables if you will, (never touch me) with burning desires for dangerous hard-backs or rare finds. I pledge to stop buying books but I need your help. Just send in your non-tax-deductible gift to this blog immediately and I will research ways to quit buying books with my money. And please hurry. There is a first edition O. Henry I have my eyes on that would look great above my desk.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Perhaps I can help break the cycle of addiction.

- G. Montag

Anonymous said...

Hey, you big, sexy hunk! I'm sorry! I miss you and want you back. You mean everything to me...

- B.O.M.C.

Anonymous said...

Dude, you have at least one stalker maybe more. and the're freaks!!!

Dew

p.s. What does B.O.M.C. mean? maybe B.M.O.C. - big man on campues?!?!

Anonymous said...

Dew, have you never heard of the Book of the Month Club?

The Donald said...

Dew - what's a campues? Is that a half-Mexican term? Besides, Todd can't be BMOC, there can be only one Big Man On Campus (or Campues).

todd said...

It's a rough crowd around here.

Anonymous said...

Shhhh!

- The Librarian

Anonymous said...

Book of the Month club would be B.O.T.M.C. (if you are gonna use the "of" you gotta use the "the")

Dew
p.s. My typeing stniks!

p.p.s who is the person with the book of the month club reference?

Anonymous said...

www.bomc.com - Check it out...

The Donald said...

CBA!? Are you sure you weren't the dyslexic white sheep member of the Jackson 5?

Don Dodson said...

For me its newspapers and internet news sites. I could read that stuff all day and night.