Sunday, August 02, 2009

First and last time

At my age, there are not too many things that I am too cool to do but I found one yesterday. I told my wife I needed to go to Walmart and get a few things and I would be back in a few minutes. Evidently, I sometimes forget I'm on crutches because it wasn't until I walked into Walmart and went to grab a grocery basket that I realized that my hands were already full. I tried sort of bumping it with my chest but that didn't work and I tried a couple of other ways to do it but I finally was about to give up and just go home when the sweet little old greeter lady at the front door saw me and immediately said she would get a motorized cart.

"No, no, no!", I pleaded but it was too late. Here she came, pedal to the metal. I looked around to make sure I didn't know anybody and finally just got on. She even took my crutches. "Don't go too fast" she said seriously as I sped off at 1/10th of a mph. How embarrassing. The old, fat ladies on the other carts looked at me like I was a gangster on the wrong side of town. Little kids looked at me like I was the Elephant Man. Everybody else that saw me tried not to stare but I know they were trying to figure out why I was on there. The worst part was the certain people who pretended that I wasn't trying to get by and would just stand there in the way. I would have run them over but the cart just stopped whenever it hit something and they never even knew it hit them. They're lucky this time...and there will never be a next time. Even I'm too cool for that!


The Donald said...

Man, put an 18 HP Kohler on one a them things - that'll scoot ya through the Walmarts!

More power! Aargh, aargh!

- Fake Tim 'The Tool Man' Taylor

The Donald said...

I like the, uh, cup holder, so Big Momma can carry around her Sonic 44 oz. slush.

Don Dodson said...

Did you meet this woman?

SLK said...

Oh man...that is so cool. Embrace the power of the chair. Be hoveround proud!

Marilyn Kitchens (stephen's mom) said...

Just wait until you start getting adds to buy one of your very own!