Having been concerned for some time now that I am not reaching a large section of the female population with my writing, I have come to the conclusion that they are sincerely missing out. I see two options to attract more women to this site: I could write long, breath-taking articles on the benefit of pumps versus flats and where to find mascara that matches your skin tone or I could articulate my thoughts on the burning of witches.
The subject of witch burning has been controversial since at least the 1692 Salem witch trials but I am here to let women of all streams of society know that I am, as a rule, against the burning of witches. This will be good news to my High School math teacher, the lady who used to live across the street and two ex-girlfriends. I have come to realize that witchcraft is hard to prove in court and that even hardened witches can sometimes be rehabilitated.
The problem with burning witches is that it takes a lot of room and can be very messy. My neighborhood also has a burn ban in place and that much firewood is getting expensive. So, in the interest of practicality and, of course, witches' rights, I propose that when a woman is proven to be a witch she should be sentenced to a lifetime of pant suits and at least one failed run at the Presidency. You're welcome, ladies. You can go back to cooking dinner now.
3 comments:
I'd get my ex-mother-in-law a bumper sticker that says "My other car is a broom", but I'm afraid she'd turn me into a newt.
Seriously, though, I think the moral of this tragic story is: Newlyweds, Do Not Honeymoon In Africa! Men, if you go to Kenya, your brides will be burned as witches. Women, if you go to the Congo, men with gold rings in taxis will shrink your husbands' winkies.
Also, don't go to Myanmar. Rice there is now very expensive. And China? Sheesh!
Just stay right here in the U. S. of A. Your dollars will go farther in Branson than any place on earth.
Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow!
Hillary is a Witch with a capital B!
Hey Todd, if you're going to advise the ladies to go back to cooking dinner...well, I'm not, uh, suggesting that's sexist or anything...but, are you going to mention ironing my shirts, you know, just for good measure?
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