Planning my mid-life crisis

I had a birthday last week. Thirty nine. I don't know how it happened. Two years ago I was twenty-five! I don't really feel any older but it has made me think even more about something that has been at the back of my mind for awhile. I also had to go to a funeral this past week and I think the combination of the birthday and the funeral have really gotten me thinking. I am sure the stuff going through my mind is common. I am sure that it is normal to think about such things at some time in a man's life. I am not saying I am having a mid-life crisis, I am just saying I can feel one coming on and I want to be prepared for it!
We got a call last week that my Uncle Dewayne had suddenly died of a heart attack. His funeral was Saturday in Oklahoma. Nearly everyone in my family was there plus dozens of friends and church-members. Hearing people talk about how he affected them was amazing to hear! He was a Godly man and his love for the Lord and love for people was evident to everyone who ever met him. His funeral was a celebration not just of his life but of the fact that he is now getting face to face time with Jesus! A funeral like that will easily make a person wonder what people will say at their own funeral.
Is it vanity to want to leave behind a positive legacy? I don't think so. I know presidents are concerned with it. Clinton made that obvious with his last television interview. While we should be concerned with the memories we are going to leave behind, I believe we should be aware of the heritage that we are leaving for our children and grandchildren. The choices we make now and the life we live now will effect how our descendants live in years to come. I believe everyone is responsible for their own lives and the choices they make but you making wise choices now can give your kids an edge later in life.
Sounds like a lot of pressure to me. It makes me wonder if I am up to the challenge. Do I have what it takes to be the kind of man my family needs me to be? I have to admit I have weighed my options. I told my wife I was moving to Mexico. I told her I was going to go to the gap in the fence where everybody is going north and I was going to go south down to the beach. I said I was going to buy a jet ski and a burro and let the tourists decide if they wanted to go on the water or up the mountain. She didn't believe me. She knows me pretty well. I then decided if I wasn't going to run away then I would do my part to change this world by joining the Army. They will take you through your forty- first birthday. I know because I talked to a recruiter about it but there was no peace in that decision either.
Some men do some crazy things when they start thinking like this. When a man realizes that he is no longer a kid and that the choices he makes affect more than just himself now sometimes he tries to rebel against it and do things to prove that fact wrong. Factor in boredom, half a dozen "If only's" and the fact that his life is not where he thought it would be at this point and stand back! "Who's that blonde with Daddy and when did he get a Corvette?"
Many years ago I had a decision to make. Live my life for God or...not. I looked around at the men in my life and zeroed in on the ones I knew were the wisest. I wasn't looking for smart men. I needed wisdom. There is a difference. My Uncle Dewayne was easily in the top five wisest men I knew. I looked at his life then and this past week I looked at his life again. Uncle Dewayne enjoyed playing golf and fixing up and selling used yard equipment but he was known for his passion for leading people to know Jesus in a life-changing way. He knew what was important in this life and it is the one thing that is important in the life to come. The interesting thing about this passion for him was that it brought about those things that every man desires deep down. Over and over again people talked about how Uncle Dewayne lived life to the fullest and was full of joy. I can vouch for that!
So, as I feel this mid-life crisis growing inside of me, I have realized something. Joy, fulfillment, peace-these are the things that men like me (and you) want. I want my uncle to be proud of me and to say "Good job, Knothead!" when I see him again but more importantly I refuse to give an average life as an offering to God because it is in Him that I find everything I need. That is the legacy I want to leave and that is the choice that I have made!