Monday, July 26, 2010

The Secret Life of Todd

"Young man! Another Mai Tai, please."

He knew he would never drink it but the girl would and it helped to convey the "tourist" look. He was wearing plaid bermuda shorts, a loud, flowery shirt and a floppy cowboy hat and mirrored sunglasses. His flowing blond hair was tucked into the hat. The oversize shirt helped hide his muscular frame and the comfortably concealed AMT .380 in his waistband. The girl wore considerably less and yet was still appropriate for the Brazilian beach.

"Tot, oh, Tot...", said the girl.

"It's Todd. Todd." he said.

Her language was as beautiful as she was but she had trouble with words ending in "d".

"Yes, Tot. Please to rub more lotion on my back. Don't want burn." She turned her already bronze back toward him and scooted closer between his legs on the chaise lounge and pulled her long black hair over one shoulder expectantly. Todd was looking over that shoulder and not paying attention to the leggy native. His attention was focused on the man with the briefcase walking casually in their direction down the beach. He was wearing jeans and a t-shirt on the beach and carrying a small, plastic briefcase, all of which made him stand out to Todd's trained blue eyes. He was looking nervously around but trying to act casual.

When he got to what Todd estimated to be twenty feet away he set the briefcase on the sand.

"Hold your ears", Todd told the girl.


"Put your fingers in your ears, quick!"

By the time she had reluctantly put her fingers to her ears Todd had pulled the .380 from his waistband and sighted in the man's thoracic cavity at the same time the man pulled a large-frame revolver from the briefcase and was bringing it up with both hands toward Todd and the girl.

Shots rang out across the sand.

"Yap, yap, yap" said Dori. "Yappity yap, yap."

The dog was looking up at Todd expressing her desire to get back in the car. The other two dogs were also ready to go and standing by the car patiently. Todd realized where he was and walked toward the car, his feet dripping from the Lake Worth water. He glanced back over his shoulder at the sun going down over the small beach area but continued toward the car.

All four hopped in. Todd slowly eased the car out of the park toward the street.

"Bo, get back. I can't see. Sarah, you ok? Dori, don't roll the window down, baby. Good girl. Good girl."


The Donald said...

"Flowing blond hair...muscular frame"?


Toes in the water/toes in the sand/large shot o' whiskey/Ambien in my hand.

Nonetheless, I do believe the realistic part about Tot hitting the bad guy in his thoracic cavity with the AMT. Tot knows how to shoot.

Hope Dori Belle weren't too frightened.

Anonymous said...

This past week, Lake Worth officials issued a press release stating that the city's animal control department had captured the mythical Lake Worth Goat Man, using a tranquilizer gun.

Authorities said that upon retrieving the creature from the cattails near Greer Island, they found him wearing makeshift burlap breeches, a small caliber handgun in the waistband. They also noted that, as the tranquilizer began wearing off, the hominid seemed to bleat an off-key rendition of The Girl from Ipanema.

No word yet on whether the Goat Man will be returned to the wild. An unnamed source reported that representatives of Barnum and Bailey were observed handing a thick envelope to Animal Control director Hannah Jacks, but the report is unsubstantiated at press time.

- Fake Jim Marrs

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

"Got to be good-lookin' 'cause he's so hard to see..."

Based on the posted picture, maybe Todd's life is secret because he's invisible.