Police? Not for me.

A few months ago I took the civil service exam for the local police department and was pretty pleased with how I did. I made a 94 out of 100 points. I took the test after reading in the paper that 50 openings needed to be filled. Evidently over 2000 other people read the same thing and decided to take the test. I didn't hear anything from them for a while and just assumed I wasn't what they were looking for and then a few weeks ago I got the call to come do the physical agility course.

The physical agility course is an obstacle course that includes scaling a 6 foot chain link fence, running up 4 flights of stairs, a couple of laps, a push/pull machine, dummy drag and simulated pistol shoot. The cut-off time is 2:55 and it is pass or fail. I wish you could have seen my fat gut and little legs getting over that fence! That's a Funniest Home Video right there. But I made it with 3 seconds to spare. The Olympics might not care but I was pretty proud. Not bad for an old fat guy.

Next in the application process was more physical testing as well as the background check and personal history book. I got to the testing facility this morning at 0830 as assigned. I'm pretty sore today from a strenuous day at work yesterday and was dreading the physical part of it but even more so I was not looking forward to giving every bit of my personal history to somebody no matter what uniform they wore. I have absolutely nothing to hide but I also have enough distrust of Big Brother (warranted or not) that I was leary about how that information might be used someday.

Something else kept bothering me about this as well. I had such a good day yesterday cleaning the windows at the house of some very nice people who made it clear how much they appreciated the work I did and it made me really enjoy what I do for a living. I'm my own boss and don't have anybody looking over my shoulder telling me what I did wrong or that I need to fill out a TPR report in triplicate for the home office. As I stood in line waiting to do the dreaded testing this morning some washed-up drill sargeant-wannabe who thought he was as tough as he was funny was walking around screaming at people not to block "his" doorway and not to lean against "his" wall.

I have to say I appreciate that impotent old banty rooster now because he helped me make an important decision. I realized the chances of them picking the short old fat guy out of 2000 other applicants was pretty slim and since I didn't really even want the job all that bad I could save them and me a lot of time and trouble. As the line moved forward I hit the door and headed to my car. It felt like somebody had given me a birthday present and a massage as I left there. I appreciate the hard work that our police go through but now I realize how glad I am that I'm not ever going to be one of them.