Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Ears to You

I finally got the perfect idea for making some money. There's no overhead. No start-up costs. No franchise fees or dues to pay. I got this idea at work today as I tried to talk to an older woman on the phone about her taxes. I say "I tried" because she wound up doing most of the talking. I don't know how or why but she talked about everything she could think of. I tried to explain what she owed and she talked about the weather. I mentioned what would happen if she didn't pay her taxes and she said she didn't like Obama. I soon realized that this poor little old lady just needed someone to talk to.

That's when it hit me. I'm getting paid to listen to some old bat talk about whatever she wants. This is obviously a niche that needs to be filled and I'm just the man to do it. Sure, it drives me crazy when I'm trying to explain something important but what if that was what I was there for? Why not? I could be a professional listener. Obviously there are alot of people in this world who just need someone to talk to. I know because I try to talk to them all the time. You know who I'm talking about. You don't go visit your elderly aunt or the neighbor across the street because you know they will never let you go. I'm going to solve everybody's problems with that.

The pricing schedule has yet to be finalized but I think some people will pay pretty good money to have me sit in their living room or at their office and just say, "Uh-huh" and "really?" and the ever-popular, "tell me more". As long as you're paying I'm listening. Just ask "why is that?" or "when did that happen?" and before you know it...ka-ching baby! It's a job even I am smart enough to do. Just keep my mouth shut and ears open. Not a bad skill for everyone to learn but I'll cash in on the folks who never have.

Also, the other aspect of my services could include (for those who need just the opposite) telling my own stories. I have a million of those and for a small fee (smaller than listening to yours) I could share them with your shut-in neighbor who just needs some company. Now this would be cheaper than listening but as soon as I finish and you start to tell me your story the price goes right back up. That's the way it goes. Everybody thinks their stories are better so be prepared to pay for it. Quality listening doesn't come cheap and you get what you pay for.

So, I think at least a dollar a minute would be fair. Maybe a travel reimbursement will be included and tipping is accepted when appropriate. Democrats are extra. We can swap referrals. Nobody wants to converse with an axe-murderer. Anyway, I think it's a good deal for everybody. Goodness knows some people need it! So, tell your friends...if you can get a word in edge-wise.


The Donald said...

Do I need to bring a stack of $1 bills to your office next week?

Anonymous said...

I think you owe me for having to read this junk!!!!


Anonymous said...

Yes Donald you do! One question no to ask people over 60 is "How are you doing?" oh my, you will need a couple hours.

todd said...

Don, I'm a listener not a stripper. You're gonna need larger bills. Dew, quit reading. Anon, you'll be my first employee, maybe even a trainer!

Anonymous said...

My mom's birthday is Saturday. I will be out of town. Could you go by to sing Happy Birthday to her? I will gladly pay you Tuesday . . .Wimpy's second cousin twice removed