What bugs me...

I'm not talking about things that are wrong or things that make me furious with a white hot heat, this is just a list of some things that, well, bug me. Some bug me worse than others. Some I could just do without and some are so stupid I just have to mention them. For example, people who talk during a movie are mildly annoying if they are on the other side of the theater or it's my wife sitting on the couch next to me but people who talk while I'm talking are moving in on the danger zone! Somewhere in the middle of these extremes lie some pretty stupid stuff.

Church signs are some of the worst and come immediately to mind. I'm not talking about the ones that say the name of the church and the time when Sunday School starts. I mean the catchy sayings in changeable letters that say "Seven days without prayer makes one weak" or "God answers knee mail". Does this really do anybody any good? Does it make you laugh? If so, I really have some jokes to tell you!

Commercials, to me, deserve their very own place in Hell and commercials that say, "Buy our product because you deserve it!" should be burned at the stake and then have their charred remains buried in a landfill! Oh, sorry, I said I wasn't talking about things that make me mad but this one just slipped in like the slimey, worthless, putrid, stinking, waste of snake skin that it is. How do you know I deserve it? What if an axe murderer sees your commercial? Does he deserve your bubble bath after a long, hard day chopping up people? And if he does deserve it why should I buy something that even a blood-thirsty maniac deserves? C,mon people, think about it!

Who was it that gave doctors the right to keep you waiting for a scheduled appointment? You know what I'm talking about. Your appointment is at 10:00. At 10:20 the nurse invites you back to the exam room. At 10:50 the doctor rushes in like Kramer on crack, asks one question while he washes his hands and then yells over his shoulder at the nurse to write something down as he rushes out. You co-pay is $20. The time is 10:53. Two and a half minutes with someone you assume is the doctor after waiting for nearly an hour. I once complained to the nurse and she told me that the doctor was just over-booked. I'm sure he was but he was also over-booked yesterday and the day before and he has been for the last 27 years so you would think by now that they would know about how long it's going to take to see each patient and schedule the appointments appropriately. Naw, just cram 'em in and let 'em wait! And doctors are the only ones. Your lawyer, your pastor, even the tv repairman will at least give an approximate time. Man, I should have been a doctor. I bet even the classes to become a doctor start late.

Have you ever noticed how many commercials A.M. radio has? As I have gotten older and have become my Dad, I listen to talk radio a lot more. The problem is that since I refuse to listen to commercials and I change the station when one starts, I miss out on part of what Rush, Sean or Glenn has to say. F.M. radio has far fewer commercials, comes in clearer and has many more options. A.M., you're making it hard to be an old dude!

1) If you want to borrow something of mine, just ask. Chances are very good that it won't be a problem. 2) Put it back where it belongs when you are done. It greatly increases the probability that it won't be a problem next time.

Why is it that I am the only one that can start the lawnmower and keep it running?

Why does my neighbor refuse to use his weedeater?

Why do so many things bug me that did not used to?

I was complaining to a dear, sweet friend of ours the other day about some things that I didn't even mention in this list. I went on for a while saying that there are all these things that are problems and taken individually, they are not a big deal, but when added all together it was causing me a lot of stress. She sweetly listened to me gripe about one thing after another and I will always be indebted to her for letting me vent and for her kind words of wisdom. After I had spoken my heart, she gently spoke hers.

"Todd, I think what's bothering you is not so much the things you have related here, but maybe something else. Maybe you are coming to the age where you begin to really wonder about your life and where you are right now. Maybe that's what is frustrating you and not so much this other stuff."

Definition of mid-life crises by Wikipedia: A mid-life crisis is an emotional state of doubt and anxiety which usually begins between the ages of 35 and 50, in which a person becomes uncomfortable with the realization that they are likely to have reached the mid-point of their life. It commonly involves reflection on what the individual has done with his or her life up to that point, often with feelings that not enough was accomplished. The individuals experiencing such may feel boredom with their lives, jobs, or their partners, and may feel a strong desire to make changes in these areas. Physical problems may include tremors, eye-bulging or swelling, insomnia, heart palpitations, weakness, irritability, distraction, weight loss, hyper-active thyroid, arthritis, bags under eyes, loss of hair, acne, hair growth in strange places, shrinkage of rear end and manboobs . OK, I made up that last part but that could describe me!

My daughter asked her mother the other day what was wrong with me. My wife asked her if she thought I was mad at her and my daughter said that she and even some of her friends had noticed that it wasn't that I acted mad - but bored. Wow! I thought I was a better actor than that!

What I'm feeling is a complex combination of things and I don't like it! I think a big part of it for me is the physical. It seems like just two weeks ago that I was named Most Beautiful in the high school Miss Catastrophe contest. Now I look like a combination of a Pug and a Basset Hound. I tried to do some push-ups the other day and wound up crying in the fetal position. I used to admire a pretty woman walking down the road but now I admire her husband's lack of wrinkles and well-groomed eyebrows!

Mentally, I've been better. The funny thing is that I enjoy my job, I love my pretty wife and my kids, my church is everything I need, I have three dogs that make me laugh and I have some great friends. And what am I complaining about? Oh, pretty much everything. Nothing seems to be good enough for me lately. I've always had a propensity to get bored easily but it wasn't a problem when I was a kid.

The good news is that I do have great friends, family and church and everyone is being very patient with me, so that's good. So, I'll tell you what. In response to your kindness, patience and sometimes just giving me a wide berth, I will make you some promises. I promise to never cheat on my wife. I promise to never take for granted my good friends. I promise that I will grow out of this. I'll probably go into a nursing home the next day but I will grow out of it just as sure as I grew out of my Wranglers.