5 years ago tmrw

Five years ago I took off on the epic adventure of my life. My only regret is that I had to leave the bike there and let a dear friend go back for it while I rode home in the back of the car with a broken leg. If I had it to do over, I would have figured out a way to strap the crutches to the bike and I would have ridden home.

Joke time

There was a typical blond. She had long, blond hair, blue eyes, and she was sick of all the blond jokes. One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair. She also went out and bought a new convertible. She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the sheep herder over. “That’s a nice flock of sheep” she said. “Well thank you” said the herder. “Tell you what. I have a proposition for you” said the woman. “If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?” “Sure” said the sheep herder. So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied “382". “Wow” said the herder. “That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home.” So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car. Then, the herder said “Okay, now I have a proposition for you”. “What is it?” Queried the woman. “If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?”

Found it!

Story of my life...

It's funny how when I was married I had a hard time remembering anniversaries and now I have a hard time forgetting them. Four years ago today (at about this time, actually) my wife of 8 years said, "I'm gonna go." And she never came back. Ninety days later we were divorced, which is the minimum waiting time after you apply for a divorce so obviously she planned to not come back since she had evidently been to her lawyer's that day. So, I was crushed. I loved her. Still do. About two weeks after that I was fired from my job and about two weeks after that I met with my new pastor and explained how there were at least three things he was doing that were not biblical and that I couldn't stay at that church where I had been a member for so long. I refer to those weeks as the trifecta of terror. I was left with nothing but bills. I had a house payment, 2 car payments and $26,000 in credit card debt that I knew nothing about until the bills started rolling in. I had no job, no money, no church and my partner, my help-mate, my soul-mate was on her way to Vegas with her boyfriend. There's more but that's enough. That's enough to tell you that I was in a bad way and that it would take a miracle to get me through. Fast-forward to 3/16/14 and I am out of debt, the pastor of a little church that I dearly love and dearly loves me back, and I have never been happier. Good luck? Good karma? Good timing? No. A good, generous and merciful God who is faithful even when I'm not. His math is fuzzy when it comes to money and I'm eternally grateful because there is no way I would ever be able to pay all that I owed. But I can stand tall and say that I owe no man so much as a dollar. It has all been paid and all I can say is thank you, Lord. Isaiah 43:18-19 says, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." I believe Him and I am trying to forget the former things but every now and then it helps to remember.

Figured out why it's called "Fat Tuesday".

Roman Road, ABC and your testimony

Wednesday nights at Christ Fellowship are always special. (Can something be "always special"? I think so.) Wednesday nights at 7 we look at what the Bible says about a certain topic. We all think we know what it says but it's fascinating to actually read what God 's Word says about things like homosexuality, marriage, holiness, divorce, animals, Heaven, Hell and even hair. Often taught by different people, this has been an eye-opening study for all of us involved and it has proven to be very popular. Last Wednesday we looked at what the Bible says about witnessing. And I'll tell you that, in a nutshell, it is for it. In fact, it's a command of God. But how many of us do it? How many of us even speak the name of Jesus outside the walls of the church building? We all struggle with it at times so we are going to work on that some more on Wednesdays. Don't worry. We won't go door to door making you speak to strangers. We're are just going to polish up what we know and some ways to do it. You don't have to say anything if you don't want to. We learned last Wednesday about the Roman Road to salvation. If you can quote or even just refer to Romans 3:23, 6:23 and 10:13, that's enough. You can remember ABC. Admit, Believe, Confess. But something I stressed the other night was to have your personal testimony handy. Be ready to tell someone your salvation experience and be able to do it in 90 seconds or less. Be able to tell someone what your life was like before Christ, how you came to know Him and what your life has been like since. We will talk more about this in the weeks to come because it is a commandment and it is the way that the local church is the hope of the world. So, say the name "Jesus" to someone today and be ready to "always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." 1 Peter 3:15

Next time I'll call a plumber.

All I wanted to do was replace a leaky, rusted faucet on my bathroom sink. No big deal. The instructions said it would take 12 minutes. Twelve minutes! Well, it took more than 12 minutes just to configure my body under the sink to turn the water off. But then when I turned the water off I realized those valves needed to be replaced too, as did the water lines going to the faucet. Back to the hardware store I go. Come home, get under the sink. Wrong parts. Back to the store. See a pattern? Yea. Long story short, it took many multiple trips back to the store, more money every time, then back home, under the sink, hit my head, hurt my back, all while 3 four-legged "helpers" are vying to see who can get in my lap and "help" the most. Not only that, but the rust has covered the bolts on the old faucet so now I have to replace the sink. Well, they don't make that size sink anymore so now I need to replace the cabinet. And if I'm gonna replace the cabinet, I'm gonna have to paint the whole bathroom. ...It was just a faucet. ...Twelve minutes... In 1 Kings chapter 10, it says that Solomon was greater in riches and wisdom than all the other kings of the earth. (I bet he had really nice faucets!) It says the whole world sought audience with him. God had blessed him with everything he could ever need or want. But then Solomon made one little bad choice. Chapter 11 of 1 Kings starts out, "However..." And the end of Solomon's story is tragic. One little bad choice led to one more little bad choice which led to another, and on and on and on. Every tragedy starts with one bad choice. Nobody EVER sees it coming. Not me with my faucet. Not Solomon with his wives. Not the crack addict or the alcoholic or the Christian who allows one little bad choice to go unconfessed. It just snowballs until tragedy. 1 John 1:9 says God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. So, don't let it snowball. Whatever little bad choices you have made, ask for forgiveness now before it's a tragedy. Oh, and just break down and call a plumber if you need one. It'll be cheaper.

Prop me up behind the pulpit when I die. (Not a country song...yet)

You know...I like it. At first I thought it was outrageous but the more I think about it the more I think it might be a good idea. Evidently a young man in Puerto Rico was shot and killed on the streets of San Juan where he lived. His family knew his greatest love was boxing and that's how they wanted to remember him so they just propped his dead body up in the corner of the ring and had their last pictures made with him. See it here. Now, for me, I think I can make this work. Even after I die, I can still work (as opposed to the boxer, who with a record of 5-15 was probably going to die in the ring anyway). All you have to do is prop me up in the pulpit and play a recording of one of my sermons. Nobody ever comes down the aisle at the invitation anyway so I don't have to move. And most folks won't know the difference. In fact, when it's over just move my corpse to the front door with my hand sticking out and let people walk by and shake it and tell me nice things as they go home. I can see my tombstone now: Todd Blair 1967 - 2014 Pastor of Christ Fellowship 2012 - 2019

Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

While it is true that I once had a warrant for my arrest in Utah, it is not true that it was for drugs. See ancient post here. But I am pretty sure this is typical Utah Police procedure: no warrant, no warning, and as soon as he opens the door they triple-tap him. Good thing he wasn't on a motorcycle.

Resume for Dew

Dear Dew, that word is resume (re-zu-may) not (re-zoom). It is what you send to people who hire people that have been fired from most of their last jobs. Here is a good example for you.

He's just misunderstood.

'In my defense, popcorn banana slideruler gently mucking squirrels.' - the Mandela memorial's fake sign language interpreter

No big deal.

That's how I slept nearly my whole marriage. Man slept for 10 hours unaware of knife stuck in his back.

Global Warming and Santa Clause

Both are fake. Both have had way too much money spent on them. Al Gore knows both way too intimately. Just read the article. The video is way too boring and stupid.

And here he is!

Everybody needs 3 dogs, right? The loss of my sweet Dori Belle definitely left a hole in my life but now, with the addition of this little guy, there is a hole in my slippers, my socks and 2 pairs of jeans. I didn't intend to get a clone of my big dog, Bo, but he does look a lot like him. He is 1/2 Border Collie, 1/2 Blue Heeler and 1/2 Australian Shepherd, or something like that. I was going to name him Deacon so I could make the joke about not being able to do something because I had a meeting with a Deacon, but that joke got pretty old pretty quick and the name just didn't flow out. The name that did flow out, though, was "Junior" and since he reminds me so much of Bo, I think I have settled on that. It's a very important decision when you go to name a dog and I didn't take it lightly. So, please welcome, in all his razor-teeth glory, the wild man poop machine himself...Junior Blair.

6 years!

Almost 6 years to the day and finally it is official. I bring it up again because it is so rare that I'm right about anything half way important. This is my post from September 28, 2007. http://toddblair.blogspot.com/2007/09/ok-here-goes.html And then read this: http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2013/09/19/new-study-says-threat-global-warming-greatly-exaggerated/?intcmp=latestnews. Not just exaggerated but "surface temperature increases have been statistically insignificant for the last 15 years, and that Antarctic sea ice is increasing, not decreasing."

Ft. Hood shooting

Ok, seriously how much longer do we have to keep having this trial? Dozens of people saw him do it. The MP's saw him do it and shot him. He has admitted doing it. What's the purpose of this trial continuing? I'm not putting his pic on here or even naming him because these freaks want all the glory they can but I would like to grant him his last wish. Let's make him a martyr.

Do you know why? BECAUSE IT'S A LIE AND A HOAX!

"OFA Gets Zero Attendance for Climate Change Rally" I have been trying to tellyou since at least 2009 that global warming / climate change is a lie from da debil (read Al "internet" Gore). Finally people are beginning to read BITYSD!

The world I live in...

That's it. I'm seriously done. I can't stand it anymore. If I knew of the country on earth that wasn't a crazy place, I might just go live there. I can't stand the direction liberals have taken this country financially, morally and politically but this is the last straw. I have been going to rodeos since I was a little kid and I have seen rodeo clowns put on masks or put masks on manikins for a hundred years. Bush, Clinton, Reagan and Nixon have all been favorites but now some guy in Missouri made the mistake of putting on an Obama mask and now they want all rodeo clowns to take sensitivity training. Just say no. Don't do it! The day rodeo clowns go to sensitivity training is the day I stop going to rodeos. I specifically want my rodeo clown (and they prefer the term "bullfighter" by the way) to be insensitive. A sensitive clown is a boring clown. It's what clowns do and it's what makes them funny. If it's offensive then just leave the rodeo and go back to the fashion show and shut up. That's all.

Dinner tonight

My garden has had a pretty good run this year and dinner tonight is proof. I had some bacon that "needed" to be cooked so I put one piece in with the green beans on the stove and then decided if it was good enough for green beans then it ought to be good on the squash. Best squash evah! I seriously ate more squash than bacon. Next time I will put the bacon on first and then the squash but other than that, it was perfect. The corn was incredible but then, everything is pretty good with butter and salt. Pretty sure I could be a bacon vegetarian.

Dori Belle

My sweet Dori passed away Saturday morning. No symptoms except she didn't want to eat. I am crushed but I have so many funny stories about that little funny girl. She always made me smile. Always the last to do everything including giving up when chasing a critter on our daily walks. She never complained and was happy whether we were going or staying. She was the cutest thing God ever created and I love her dearly.