What are these people trying to do? Make money?

Notice: I will be bringing my attorney with me to all fast-food restaurants from now on. I think a quick contract should probably be drawn up before ordering.

The party of the first part (Todd) shall be heretofor (hereforto?) notified in verbal or written communication if the party of the second part (restaurant name) does or does not actually mean or further fully represent what is on the menu of the party of the second parts' restaurant at the price represented.

If the party of the second part (I got that from the Marx Brothers, by the way. There should be a joke coming soon about "party"), ahem...anyway, if the party of the second part is including a side dish as part of the price it will be expected that said side dish will be in the picture with the main dish and the words "select a side" would be interpreted to mean that the side is included in the payment price. Including a picture of the side dish and the words "select a side" are legal proof that the party of the second part will indeed include said side dish for the remuniation expected and advertised on the sign.

If and when the party of the first part decides that said side dish should not be included in the advertised meal for whatever reason he deems necessary (your hash browns are icky), then the party of the second part shall not punish the party of the first part in monetary or mentally abusive manners and will leave off icky side dish and should, but will not be forced to, lower the advertised price to equally reflect fair market price for advertised meal minus the cost of icky side if purchased seperately.

The party of the first part also reserves the right to order a glass of water for no charge in a "courtesy cup" with a little bit of courtesy and obtain said cup with a size large enough to hold at least the amount of water that would moisten the lips of the average Chinese gymnast.

In conclusion, no, the party of the first part does not want an apple pie or he would order an apple pie. How long have those been in there, anyway?

Acceptance of remuniation from the party of the first part by the party of the second part shall decidedly acknowledge acceptance of these terms and will decidedly make the party of the first part to get together with the party of the second part and have a party of the best part!