Something's missing.

I'm used to seeing pictures and video of people shouting and protesting and throwing things in the Middle East.  I'm pretty sure that's the way they order breakfast over there.  The pictures coming out of Egypt now though are extreme even for that part of the world.  From what I gather the people are unhappy with their government and are demanding change and I guess you gotta do what you gotta do.  Who knows?  We may have to do the same thing some day soon.

Everytime I watch the news I keep thinking something is missing over there with these protests.  What is it?  Let's see, we have your basic screaming and yelling, check.  People with scarves on their head are throwing rocks, check.  Military and police seem to do nothing, check.  Cars and trucks on fire?  Yep, got that.  What is it?  Hmmm...Then I finally realized what was missing from these pictures.  We can't have a real good Middle Eastern protest without burning a few American flags!  What's the deal?  Don't tell me America is not at fault for something over there.  Surely the Great Satan must be punished for something!  What's this world coming to?

Hu said that?

 Chinese President Hu Jintao is in Washington DC today and I'm sure it's important but the 12 year old boy in me won't take a nap.  He keeps saying:

Hu's on first.

Obama hears a Hu.

Hu dat gonna win da Superbowl?

Hu cares about Obama?

Hu say wha?

Police? Not for me.

A few months ago I took the civil service exam for the local police department and was pretty pleased with how I did. I made a 94 out of 100 points. I took the test after reading in the paper that 50 openings needed to be filled. Evidently over 2000 other people read the same thing and decided to take the test. I didn't hear anything from them for a while and just assumed I wasn't what they were looking for and then a few weeks ago I got the call to come do the physical agility course.

The physical agility course is an obstacle course that includes scaling a 6 foot chain link fence, running up 4 flights of stairs, a couple of laps, a push/pull machine, dummy drag and simulated pistol shoot. The cut-off time is 2:55 and it is pass or fail. I wish you could have seen my fat gut and little legs getting over that fence! That's a Funniest Home Video right there. But I made it with 3 seconds to spare. The Olympics might not care but I was pretty proud. Not bad for an old fat guy.

Next in the application process was more physical testing as well as the background check and personal history book. I got to the testing facility this morning at 0830 as assigned. I'm pretty sore today from a strenuous day at work yesterday and was dreading the physical part of it but even more so I was not looking forward to giving every bit of my personal history to somebody no matter what uniform they wore. I have absolutely nothing to hide but I also have enough distrust of Big Brother (warranted or not) that I was leary about how that information might be used someday.

Something else kept bothering me about this as well. I had such a good day yesterday cleaning the windows at the house of some very nice people who made it clear how much they appreciated the work I did and it made me really enjoy what I do for a living. I'm my own boss and don't have anybody looking over my shoulder telling me what I did wrong or that I need to fill out a TPR report in triplicate for the home office. As I stood in line waiting to do the dreaded testing this morning some washed-up drill sargeant-wannabe who thought he was as tough as he was funny was walking around screaming at people not to block "his" doorway and not to lean against "his" wall.

I have to say I appreciate that impotent old banty rooster now because he helped me make an important decision. I realized the chances of them picking the short old fat guy out of 2000 other applicants was pretty slim and since I didn't really even want the job all that bad I could save them and me a lot of time and trouble. As the line moved forward I hit the door and headed to my car. It felt like somebody had given me a birthday present and a massage as I left there. I appreciate the hard work that our police go through but now I realize how glad I am that I'm not ever going to be one of them.

I'm a crazy gun lover too but...

The tragic shooting in Arizona has definitely stirred up a hornet's nest  Everybody wants to know why and how such a thing could happen.  Who all is to blame?  What do we have to do to keep this from happening again?  The internets are all abuzz about who is blaming who and who is talking about it and who is backing off and to be honest, while I think it is good to have conversations about this, I'm pretty sick of it already.  It's a good thing to have a logical, conclusion-focused debate about what happened but if you are blaming anybody except the shooter for what happened you are wrong.

No sane person could see Sarah Palin's "Target Map" and from that decide to commit murder.  If it is Rush Limbaugh's fault that people are dead then let's blame the tortillas in my Mexican food for making me fat.  Just because Glock makes a magazine that holds 33 rounds does not mean you have to go on a killing spree with it.  The shooter (his name not mentioned here for a reason) made the decision.  The shooter was a mental case.  How do we keep mental cases from making the decision to shoot people?  You don't.  There is nothing you can do if someone makes the decision to go off the deep end and legally buy a gun and then use it for nefarious intent.  The only thing you can do is be a trained and legal gun carrying citizen who shoots the mental case after his first shot. 

James Wilson, my friend.

I am deeply saddened and yet very grateful for the news I got today that my friend and neighbor of many years, James Wilson, died yesterday at the age of 68.  I am grateful because for some time now I have prayed that God would be merciful and take James on to Heaven.  James has suffered with dementia for over a year and for the past several months has been in a nursing home unable to talk or even communicate at all.  I don't think he knew when I visited him and he obviously was not eating and I understand even had a hard time drinking anything.  He had lost a considerable amount of weight and could do nothing but lay in bed and look at the wall.  I picture him riding his new Schwinn all over the golden streets today making friends and waving to everybody in Heaven.  I can't wait to see him again someday.  I know when I do he will say, "I've been wooking and wooking for you all over the pwace!"

That whole "sand through the hour glass" thing...

I had just one more reminder that I'm getting old today.  It actually didn't hit me until lunch was over.  I ate at the food court of the mall today with two friends I hadn't seen in years but were in town to visit for Christmas.  There was a lot of " I remember when..." stuff usually followed by something stupid we had done I wish they would forget.  One of them is a high-falutin' military officer working in the Pentagon and the other is now a high school math teacher in Austin.


Just walking into the mall and especially the food court is enough to make me feel old when I looked around at the kids busy eating some junk with one hand and texting the person across the table with the other.  I won't even talk about what they were wearing for fear of sounding as old as I now feel.  I honestly wouldn't have believed any of the three of us would ever have survived this long in as relatively good shape as we are.  That's not to say that time has been good to any of us. 

As I walked back to through the parking lot to my vehicle still chuckling about some of the things we talked about I realized something.  Nobody would consider any of us sissies and yet the one thing that would always bring the conversation down was when one of us would say something about our ex-wives.  All three of us had been through a lot over the years;  we talked about being places we shouldn't have or doing things that should have killed us and the only thing any of us seemed to really regret was getting married.  Hmm...

Nobody wants to see that anyway.

Interesting article here about taking pictures during the birth of a child.  The most interesting thing about it is the person interviewed who said they wanted to film their 8th child just like all the rest.  Look, Laurie Shifler, #1, nobody wants to see that happening down there.  My cousin video'd hers and I nearly threw up.  #2, At that point all babies look exactly alike.  Nasty little shriveled up and wet, red and wrinkled.  Just use the same pics for #8 as you did for #7.  Who's gonna know?  #3, It's your private parts, not a clown car.  Quit having kids!  You're not going to discipline them properly and taxpayers can't afford to feed them.

I know her!

Her name is Dorky Carter.

http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D9KCD15O0&show_article=1

Merry Twisted Christmas!

Phillipians 1:18 says, "But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice. Yes, and I will continue to rejoice."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YV-SpT69IZ8

I'll give up my Sharpie when they pry it from my cold dead hands.

Just because you have a Concealed Sharpie Permit doesn't mean you can threaten a teacher's buffet priviledges with it.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/bizarre/boy-13-busted-illegal-marker-possession

Merry Christmas you &*^&%$! jerk!

Evidently saying "Merry Christmas" is starting to cause problems.  We are all aware of the grinch companies who forbid their employees from saying the term for fear of insulting people.  What I am seeing now is people walking around with a chip on their shoulders just waiting and daring someone to say "Happy Holidays" to them.

"No!  No way!  It's MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!", they say with a self-righteous scowl.

Is that really in the spirit of celebrating the birth of Jesus?  Sure, we would prefer people to worship who we do and how we do it and do it for the right reason but sending good wishes with your mouth followed by daggers from your eyes is not making a very good case.  So relax out there and don't get your Christmas panties in a wad if somebody doesn't say the right greeting.  We are still celebrating Christmas no matter what they call it.

Silly Chinese

Doesn't he know not to wear black socks with a Speedo?

And you're out of your mind.

Whoever Jess Hart is, she has some words of advice for men everywhere.  I don't know who she is and have never seen her before and doubt that I ever will but if, as in her scenario, I were to see her in a bar I actually would walk up to her and ask her politely to bring me another drink.  And honey, the money I tip you with should go toward fixing that truck-sized gap in your big mouth.

http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/celebrity/were-out-of-your-league-victorias-secret-star-warns-ordinary-blokes/story-e6frfmqi-1225973769888

I need a tissue.

You know what harms my emotional well-being?  Listening to some jack-wagon complain about how Christmas trees upset Buddhists!

http://www.myfoxny.com/dpps/news/study-christmas-trees-make-some-feel-excluded-dpgonc-20101220-fc_11154204

She's more out of touch than we thought.

Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano (Big Sis) has slipped off the slippery slope of reality and has headed fat-face first to La-La Land.  She's been playing around the edge with her mandates to TSA employees making them all perverts with "enhanced pat-downs" and now she evidently feels that part of her job protecting the nation from terrorists involves battling global warming.

The pat-downs have been talked about ad nauseum and you all know how I feel about the hoax that is global warming.  Evidently securing the borders was too big of a job for a woman and she needed something to do to justify her job so now she goes after whatever she can make up - literally.  I just hope she doesn't shoot down Santa Claus.

http://cnsnews.com/news/article/napolitano-says-dhs-begin-battling-clima

Sometimes "Wow!" is appropriate.

Found at Answers

My version of what happened

I've seen it happen a hundred times.  I'm sure it was the old man's fault.  Crotchety old goat.  You may have seen this on the news about the man in Michigan who was hit by the Burger King employee and died.  Read it here if you want but I'll fill in the blanks as to what actually happened.

--67 year old man walks in the front door of the BK:  "Can I help you, sir?"

"It's too &^%$ cold out there!"

"Yes, sir.  It is Michigan in the winter.  What can I get for you?"

"It didn't used to be this cold when I was younger", he says as he ties up the line in front of several customers.  "I remember the winter of  '08.  I was a teenager and was working on my Daddy's farm..."

"Do you need something to eat, sir?"

"What?"

"Will this be for here or to go?"

"What did you say?"

Louder:  "For here or to go, sir?"

His jaws finally close enough for him to utter, "Uhh..." and then stand there looking at the board over the employees head like it was written in pig latin.

"Do you have hamburgers?"

"Yessir."

"What kind of burgers do you have?"

"Sir?  Well...I mean...seriously?  They are all on the menu.  Do you need help with them?"

"Help?  I don't need your help, punk!  I was fighting in Viet Nam before you were a twinkle in your Daddy's eye, cheesebrain.  "Help"!  I didn't need your help when I was getting my elbows shot off in the DMZ in 69, did I?  Why you little..."

Employee ducks and says, "Have it your way, old man!"

There's not much better than a good dog!

I just read about a fellow blogger's long-time canine companion who died (here) and it made me want to share some pictures of my dogs.  I've always said I can't help all the mistreated dogs in the world but I can take care of mine.  They probably say the same kind of things to all their dog buddies about me.

"Thank you" is never enough.

Pearl Harbor survivor Houston James of Dallas embraces Marine Staff Sgt. Mark Graunke Jr. during a Veterans Day commemoration in Dallas.

Garage sale goodies

I stopped at a garage sale this morning and the first thing the owner of the house asked me was, "What are you looking for?"

I said, "Whatcha got?"

"What are you looking for?"

Kinda weird, I guess, but oh well..."What about tools?"

"Are you affiliated with any law enforcement at all?"

What kind of question is that and how stupid would a cop have to be to answer yes?  "No."

"Then come back here."

He led me to the garage which was sitting well back of the house and sure enough he had some tools and all kinds of electronics and some stuff it looks like he stole from a bar somewhere.

I made a great deal on a ladder and some tools for $20 but I wanted the other ladder for $10 but he wouldn't do it.  We talked for awhile and when I loaded up my stuff he asked me to do him a favor and drive across the highway (he didn't have a car) and get him some cigarettes.  I told him I would do it and pay for the cigs and bring him back $10 and take the other ladder.  He thought about it and said to bring back 2 cans of dog food from there as well.

Deal.

When I got back he threw in some more tools and a brand new hammock as well. So, I got all of this - 2 nice ladders, a nice cordless drill with accessories, all kinds of tools including a nice new hammer (on the second rung of the ladder), and a hammock - all for $30, a pack of smokes and some dog food. Not a bad day.